Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: The Hundred Years of Montage War

[Tonight's episode is inspired by the Hundred Years War between England and France which actually lasted 116 years. It's also inspired that we see at least 116 years of montage footage in a show that doesn't fucking need montages.]

The Battle Rounds continued with Adam, Shakira, Usher and Blake systematically eliminating contestants they won through Romper Room Fuckery (Some by default but pointing out the Romper Room won contestants is more ironic.) As some are whittled and some are won through a steal (And some move on through this "archaic" method called singing better than the other through a subjective lens.) we thank TV Jesus that The Voice is hath prevailed over its competitors Idolatry and that other one; X Marks the Thing or whatever. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on! *EDITOR'S Note: This may have three montages like in S5. If that's the case, there will be an (M) next to the people that got montaged.*

First, Jeremy Briggs V.S. Clarissa Serna of Team Shakira. They were tasked with singing “Cold as Ice” by Foreigner. Their initial critiquing suggests that this is actually even. The final rehearsal suggests their vocal fusing could've been a general miscasting until they nail it on the second take. The battle commenced and Clarissa seemed more in control vocally than Jeremy. He sounded improved but not to where I think he out-shined Clarissa. After Coach's Corner seemed to reflect the initial evenness at first [all but Usher said Clarissa took in their eyes], Shaki declares Clarissa the winner of the battle. No coach steals Jeremy and he is eliminated.

Second,  Delvin Choice V.S. Caleb Elder of Team Adam. They were tasked with singing “The Man” by Aloe Blacc. Aloe just so happens to be the S6 advisor for Adam's team (So no pressure there. Also shit is no longer fucked up and water tastes like purple now. -_-). In the battle of Lobster-hair and Dount dude, Delvin is actually gaining favor with me (And I want to pour bay butter on his hair). *FUN Fact: Aloe wrote the song after Dr. Dre told him he needed to write better songs. When Dr. Dre speaks, listen* Final rehearsals have the both of them botch the song. It took a rap-style exercise of the song for the both of them to get a better idea of the song. The battle commences and Delvin won in the first few notes. He actually has a level of soul just right for this song. Caleb just proved Adam should've turned for Karina Mia. After Coach's Corner thought Delvin tiger-fucked Caleb [but in a nice way], Adam declares Delvin the winner of the battle. Caleb is not stolen by the coaches and is eliminated.

(M)  Third, Megan Ruger V.S. Ria Eaton of Team Blake. They were tasked with singing “My Happy Ending” by Avril Lavigne. Megan won.

(M) Fourth, Ddendyl V.S.  Lindsay Pagano of Team Shakira. They were tasked with singing “I Feel the Earth Move” by Carole King. [Lindsay got double montaged. OUCH] Ddendyl won.

(M) Fifth, Brothers Walker V.S. Morgan Wallen of Team Usher. They were tasked with singing “Hey Brother” by Avicii ft. Dan Tyminski. Morgan won.

Finally, Britnee Camelle V.S. Melissa Jimenez of Team Usher. They were tasked with singing “Give It to Me Right” by Melanie Fiona. The initial rehearsal has Britnee being told to look vulnerable even though she can evoke the emotion. Melissa's precision is called into question because she is held to a higher unspoken standard due to the fact she sings with her Dad's 10 piece band. The battle commenced and both revealed a sex kitten type of thing. Melissa was improved but Brittnee was able to show consistency. After Coach's Corner had to dry themselves off, Usher declared Melissa the winner of the battle. O_O Adam and Shaki opt to steal Brittnee [thank God] and she picks Adam as her new coach.

All in all, musical bloodshed has been spilled (By contestants who couldn't sing the song at the error of themselves or their coaches) but this is season 6 of The Voice. I'm just hoping good songs/songs I like will be selected.

Up next for scrutiny, Part III of the Battle Rounds.

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