Monday, April 21, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: IT'S ALIVE!

[Frankenstein reference...blahda blahda blah blah]

Tonight marks when the NBC show with ratings goes LIVE for all the public who gives subjective criticism of singing show contestants. 'Tis a beauteous thing indeed. Time to find out if this is the start of another Adam victory, God forbid yet another Blake victory or maybe; just maybe...Usher or Shakira will have discovered the winner of this show. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

Receiving the Live show baptism of fire, Bria Kelly of Team Usher singing "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. Initial rehearsals indicate her pacing is a bit screwy. Her hangtime with notes [how long she could hold the note was also called into question.] Come showtime, she was distinct but not entirely in a good way. While it was infused with "rawk", her singing was Janis Joplin knockoff trying to sing an Adele song. Coach's Corner was all "Tall order, but ERMAHGERD it was amazing" except for Adam wanting to hear it in a higher key.

Second, Delvin Choice of Team Adam singing “Unchained Melody” by Righteous Brothers. Initial rehearsals indicate Delvin's emotional connection isn't quite there yet with this song. Popularity is also called into question; not current but it's a classic. Come showtime, he does have his distinctive tone but I don't think he pulled the song off in terms of singing. His voice was a bit too low for the song overall in my personal taste. Coach's Corner was all "EMOTIONS! T_T love this sooooooooooooo much".

Third, Dani Moz of Team Shakira singing “Just Give Me A Reason” by P!nk ft. Nate Ruess. Initial rehearsals indicate that Dani's momentum is questionable; also her money note placement was adjusted ever so slightly. Come showtime, she was under par. P!nk songs require a lot of passion and Dani didn't even have a decent hangtime with her money note. Coach's Corner was all Adam V.S. Shaki when Adam was actually trying to critique Dani [and then Blake bitched at him for a touch].

Fourth, Audra McLaughlin of Team Blake singing “Angel of the Morning” by Juice Newton. Initial rehearsals indicate breath is her thing to work on. Staging is called to be stationary to help with breathing. Come showtime, Audra's breath had improved but not by a whole lot. When her lower registers were heard [when they were heard at all] they were shaky. Mid registers emitted were just meh. Coach's Corner was all "It was all yellow." when they wouldn't shut up about pee.

Fifth, T.J. Wilkins of Team Usher singing “Waiting on the World” to Change by John Mayer. Initial rehearsals indicate that his selection is a "tall order". T.J.'s song selection is symbolic in that he didn't end up a gangster or street urchin and is trying to be a good change. Come showtime, he gave his best performance of the season. It had enough signature to make the spin original. His mid-registers were some of the cleanest of the competition. Coach's Corner was all "You were AMAZE-TITS!".

Sixth, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry. This song is not "Fireworks" so BYE FELICIA! Initial rehearsals indicate hangtime and control are her issues (Among not being able to sing). Come showtime, the instrumentals were serving some Close Encounters of a Third Kind realness...until it went dubstep. Ew. Her singing? Way too shaky. Coach's Corner was all "ERMAHGERD you are such a tiny thing of dynamite!"

Seventh, HRFH -3.0 of Team Blake singing “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” by Elton John. Initial rehearsals indicate restraint is her issue (Along her not being able to sing). Come showtime, her earrings were cute. Her singing was not impressive. Well, I actually don't care about how she did because I just hate her so much. Coach's Corner was all "JESUS HAS RISEN!" -_- Ugh. Done with her. SO done.

Eighth, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “Stay” by Sugarland. Initial rehearsals indicate that her previous montaged treatments could be her death knell. Come showtime, she's the best female singer left in the competition even though she is a country singer. Then, her mic was cut off. For the rest of her performance and that was a load of horseshit. Coach's Corner was actually sympathetic to her last minute mic issues. As I and Lyndsey Parker of Yahoo! Music thought "there was a CONSPIRACY afoot!" Montaged singer gets her mic cut off in the first Live shows? While 2 inferior but buzzed about competitors before her were all heard? CONSPIRACY!

Ninth, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing “Magic Man” by Heart. Initial rehearsals indicate that living up to Adam's personalized song choice for her is her thing to work on. Come showtime, she was consistent vocally and that's worth noting. Also, GURL was giving CopyKat realness and that was horrible in terms of image. Coach's Corner was all "HOLY SHIT! You were once a nanny?! GURL, you rock!"

Tenth, Jake Worthington of Team Blake singing “Anymore” by Travis Tritt. Initial rehearsals indicate he was a bit sharp singing it. Identity was something touched in the intro piece. Come showtime, if I cared about hardcore country music I'd clock certain things about his singing. Instead, I'll just comment over his "Southern Fried Quasimodo" being adorable. It's adorable. Coach's Corner was all "AWWWW; you're so sweet" [Shakira called him endearing; is that shade? We don't exactly know but she isn't lying].

Eleventh, Tess Boyer of Team Shakira singing “I’ll Be There for You” by Bon Jovi. Initial rehearsals indicate that modernizing a male vocal song is a bit of a bitch. Then her money notes are thought of as flat at first. Come showtime, her vocals have improved quite a bit. Image wise, someone in wardrobe must be docked pay for the Colonel Sanders ensemble with jacket that made me go "I CAN'T". Coach's Corner was all "GURR, you are amazing! You're the one to beat!"

Closing out the Top 12 performances, Josh Kaufman of Team Usher singing “Stay with Me” by Sam Smith. Initial rehearsals indicate his modernizing skills and nerves could screw with him. Come showtime, all my attention went to the graphics used for his performance. Ripping off a Rihanna video ["Umbrella" to be specific]? GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL. His singing, per usual did not impress me. Coach's Corner was all "THAT WAS AMAZING!" because critiquing the contestants is apparently a no-no. -_-

All in all, though most of my favorites went home, I can't wait to either embrace some TCO fucker contestant who would end up winning...or celebrate an 0 for 6 record of Voice winners I voted for.

Up next for scrutiny, the Results of the Top 12.

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