Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: Usher in the Live Shows Already!

[If you really need an explanation for tonight's episode, you need Jesus. : P]

Tonight marks the end of the non-Live Playoffs for the program on NBC with ratings (Which is still not About a Boy, Growing up Fisher or any of the other bullshit that eats up precious, precious time for the show.) Tonight, Team Usher performs and Usher must choose who to take to the Live shows. Along the way, the coaches will do the banter thing and maybe...just maybe...they'll critique the singers. T_T Wishful thinking never hurts...

(I mean, the King Bey taught us all this.)

Now it's time to recant the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that transpired on tonight's show...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First, T.J. Wilkins singing "Tell Me Something Good" by Rufus & Chaka Khan. O_O High-risk/High reward, anyone? Come showtime, his delivery was decent enough to where I was not demanding his head on a platter. I felt it was much too schmuck-like in delivery. Coach's Corner (As I've come to realize) takes massive notes from Paula Abdul [the "nice" judge]. Bless them because they try, but the singers in question are owed some feedback.

Second, Melissa Jimenez singing "Halo" by Beyoncé. Initial rehearsals indicate that her breath could potentially bite her in the ass. Come showtime, good LORDE was it breath issue ridden. Also bungling her performance were really shaky lower registers. A moment came too late as the end of her performance proved to be her best. Coach's Corner was merciful with emphasis on Blake being more or less ("A complete fucking moron for not knowing this song by heart?" Shut up. He isn't a "complete fucking moron". He's a complete jackass. There's a difference.) critiquing this as if Melissa was the original singer of this song.

Third, Stevie Jo singing "The Thrill is Gone" by B.B. King. O_O GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL a B.B. King song? Initial rehearsals have his pacing and emotional commitment to the song called into question. Come showtime, he was half-assed on this song; relying way too much on mid-range vocals, not having the grittiness the song requires and even half-asses vibrato (And that is how Hercules got an extra labor done O_O). Coach's Corner was kind; and weirdly kind thanks to Blake's "sneaking up on a rabbit" compliment.

Fourth, Bria Kelly singing "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones. Oddly enough, every time someone on the show sings this, I'm reminded of S2 contestant Jordis Unga. Initial rehearsals have this one being told not to rush through the song. Come showtime, she ended up sounding like a Janis Joplin knockoff. I can't stand it; originality can be a good thing and this one has none of it. Not sorry 'bout it. Coach's Corner [more or less] hails her as the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ [exaggeration = flattery -_-] What Bria ends up admitting before the last singer of the night come on is that she only felt comfortable with her guitar again. GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL. I can't with her; I can't.

Finally, Josh Kaufman singing "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars. Initial rehearsals indicate that he might not live up to the expectations of the song. Come showtime, he bit it HARD. Shaky introductory notes; enunciation problems arose ["morphine" became "murphine" and "sunlight" became "sundlight"] and his falsetto notes were abysmal. Coach's Corner thought the complete fucking opposite [as they always do] thinking he was amaze-tits. -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- -_- <------ not enough of these to express my "really bitch?" feelings.

After the performances, Usher picked the 3 singers he wanted for the Live shows. They were in order Bria Kelly, Josh Kaufman & T.J. Wilkins. I was surprised Usher actually picked T.J. [because he sucked the least] and had Melissa axed. Oh well, sayonara Melissa and Stevie (Relax Stevie. You can paint with all the colors of the wind with your hair.)

All in all, it'll FINALLY go Live! (/^_^)/ \(^_^)/ (Yay! We lasted through all this horse-shit!)

Up next for scrutiny, the Top 12 performances.

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