Monday, April 14, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: It's Not Alive II: Super Happy Family Wish Show Chinatown Knockoff Sequeloo Revenge of the Red Balloon

[The title for this episode's recap comes from the following:

- Last time's title & reference
- The Japanese game show The Simpsons competed on
- The 2nd Knockoffs Round title
- A film The Critic hated.

Yup, there's a lot of inspiration ("And grounds for therapy." Shut the fuck up. : P)]

Tonight continued the journey of the 2 Pre-recorded Crew of the Playoff level contestants on The Voice. It's a 2 hour affair, so 4 people in total will be ousted from the competition. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, banter, fuckery and marklar that Adam, Shakira, Usher and Blake created and/or witnessed tonight...

Let's play rough and get it on! *It's Team Shakira & Team Adam night*

First, Kristen Merlin of Team Shakira singing “Two Black Cadillacs” by Carrie Underwood. Rehearsals indicate that Kristen has to undergo some Sisyphus shit having been montaged twice; oh and some subtlety thingy. Come showtime, Kristen finally got screen time so it's 50% there already. Also, she did have some nice projection and made a country song listenable. That's a skill in my book. Coach's Corner was all "Holy shit! You were amaze-tits!" and Blake READ the audience for not having rhythm.

Second, Deja Hall of Team Shakira singing “Battlefield” by Jordin Sparks. Rehearsals indicate that she's slightly arrhythmic with the song's pocket. Eeek. Come showtime, she seemed improved but all too reliant on her mid range vocals. When she sang the chorus, it was way too low than what the song called for. Coach's Corner was all "You've turned into a star!". Eeep; they're not critiquing her singing AGAIN.

Third, Tess Boyer of Team Shakira singing “Human” by Christina Perri. Rehearsals indicate her lower registers are emitted without emotional conviction. Come showtime, she did sound good after she dropped her lower registers. Credit to the note she held. Coach's Corner was all "Power + Control = ERMAHGERD, A STERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!1!!!!!11!!!!!!". Adam, Usher and Blake tried to be cute during Coach's Corner as well. Keep trying. Alyssa Edwards would like a word with y'all.

Fourth, Patrick Thomson of Team Shakira singing "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne. Rehearsals indicate his emotive qualities aren't entirely there. Come showtime, his grit was there but his singing? Not so much. I detected no singing past his grit. *Side note: This marks the 525,600th time this damn song has been performed on the show since S2* Coach's Corner was all "DUDE! That was epic!". I defer to this tweet in regard to his styling...

"GURL, whoever styled him needs to be fired. This 'Grizzly Man' as the Best Man at a wedding is bullshit. #ThisIsTheVoice"

Finally, Dani Moz of Team Shakira singing "Edge of Glory" by Lady Gaga. Rehearsals indicate that what's at stake for Dani making the Live shows is having a true breakout moment. Come showtime, she seemed better than her rehearsals for the song. Being a Lady Gaga enthusiast, Dani had a breakout moment too late in the song. She didn't do the vocal acrobatics until the VERY end. Bad move for me, gurl. Coach's Corner was all "ERMAHGERD FEELS! T_T".

After the performances, Shaki picked the 3 singers she wanted for the Live shows. They were in order Tess Boyer, Kristen Merlin & Dani Moz. Burn in hell Shaki. Deja was supposed to move on.

Now it's Team Adam's turn.

First, Delvin Choice of Team Adam singing “Let's Stay Together” by Al Green. Rehearsals indicate pitch could screw with him. I remember this song screwing with Karina Iglesias of S4, so there was a lot to work with. Come showtime, Delvin's tone sounded improved but not by much for this song. Also, his hair was the second coming of Donna Allen's Parliament Funkadelic lead singer realness. O_O Coach's Corner was all "Leaps and bounds, dude".

Second, Jake Barker of Team Adam singing “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5. GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL winner of the "Balls of Steel Realness" at The Voice SWEAR Ball Extravaganza! O_O Rehearsals indicate that his consistency and openness is called into question. Come showtime, his singing was actually the best it had been in his tenure to date. It's graded against himself, naturally. Coach's Corner was all "Sign my Tiger Beat of you in my heart, please?".

Third, Kat Perkins of Team Adam singing “Open Arms” by Journey. Rehearsals indicate that Journey songs are supposedly tough as fuck to sing. Come showtime, Adam's suggestion of no holds barred singing had its moments of paying off. When the chorus and all cues for the chorus came up, she nailed it. Coach's Corner was all "***Flawless like Beyonce, gurl. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS."

Fourth, Morgan Wallen of Team Adam singing "Stay" by Florida Georgia Line. Rehearsals indicate that Morgan is trying to relate to the Team Blake demographic. Sneaky move, Adam. Come showtime, his gravely, but not Patrick Thomson gritty voice has its moments but not a lot to make it captivating. Coach's Corner was all "Whoa, you were a surprise."

Finally, The Grimmie Reaper of Team Adam singing “I Won't Give Up” by Jason Mraz. Rehearsals indicate that despite her initial promise, she hasn't delivered on said promise. Adam even says, "Pick a plan and stick to it." when her consistency is called into question. Come showtime, her lower registers were not lurid but she still had nothing to offer. Coach's Corner was all "You're so little! Yes you are!" Oh wait, that was Blake Shelton's creepy ass. GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL don't be creepy to a young female contestant. *shudders*

After the performances, Adam picked the 3 singers he wanted for the Live shows. They were in order The Grimmie Reaper, Delvin Choice & Kat Perkins.

All in all, the show should be Live by now but whatever. It beats watching Idolatry.

Up next for scrutiny, the Playoffs Part III.

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