Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Voice U.S. S6 Recap: It's...Not Alive...[That's Weird]

[Tonight's recap title comes from the Mary Shelley work turned campy as fuck movie Frankenstein when the monster is brought to life by lightning...you know the goddamn quote. It's also a comment that tonight does NOT mark the beginning of the Live shows...-_-]

As mentioned in the above section, tonight doesn't mark the beginning of the Live shows; which let's be frank here, is utter bullshit. Replacing the Knockouts sucked already; having the Top 20 NOT be when the Live shows kick in is making this season in terms of formatting, the worst. All T, All Shade that's the truth. All that aside, tonight is when one of the coaches has their team perform for a chance to make the Live shows. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on! *Oh great. Another hour long episode. Seriously NBC; cancel About a Boy and Growing Up Fisher. They eat up precious, precious time for The Voice.*

Tonight is Whistlin' Dixie night/Confederacy appreciation day...OK. It's Team Blake night.

First, Audra McLaughlin of Team Blake singing “A Broken Wing” by Martina McBride. Audra is told not to fuck around too much with a falsetto run. Come showtime, she sounds like hardcore 90s country ought to. Since this is Team Blake night, this is mainly lip service. Coach's Corner came and went faster than a NASCAR final lap. Seriously, Usher then Adam then Blake in less time than it takes for the Team Blake demographic to go muddin'.

Second, Ryan Whyte Maloney of Team Blake singing “Second Chance” by Shinedown. FUN Fact: his kids watching his Blind Audition was a viral YouTube video. Pimping your kids; the easiest way to piss me off on a singing show. Showtime came, and Ryan didn't live up to the tall order Blake sensed in rehearsals. Yeah a barely there big note was nice and...oh fuck this. Coach's Corner had a sweet moment when Usher thought Ryan sounded like Adam in the barely there high note. AWWWWWWWWW; sweet. Like Audra's performance, that shit was faster than a Mississippi prom night.

Third, Madilyn Paige of Team Blake singing “Clarity” by Zedd ft. Foxes. Rehearsals have Blake trying to play to Madilyn's fusion of vulnerable/tender & strong for youngun' vocals. Come showtime, Madilyn could not live up to the vocal expectations of the song. Shaky turned to really subpar execution. Coach's Corner had Usher remind everyone she was once on his team. Not to mention a lot of mercy from the coaches considering how bad this ended up being.

Fourth, Jake Worthington of Team Blake by “Anywhere With You” by Jake Owen. Jake's self esteem is called into question by Blake in terms of delivery. Come showtime, Jake's stage presence looks like it went through a noticeable improvement. Singing wise, I can't judge too much because I could give a floppity fishin' hole's fuck about hardcore country music. Coach's Corner was all "lurve" and more corny than motherfucking Iowa and Nebraska combined. Though I do like his "stars in the eyes" naivete he possesses.

Finally, HRFH -3.0 of Team Blake singing “New York State of Mind” by Billy Joel. Ugh; this one is a phone book singer. As you may or should remember a "phone book" singer is anyone expected to sing page 16 of the phone book and sound marvelous and I hate that. Come showtime, as with her HRFH predecessors, this one had people thinking they found religion or some other exacerbated reactionary bullshit. Coach's Corner as expected "lurve" her to pieces.

After the performances Blake picked the 3 singers he wants for the Live shows. In order they were, HRFH -3.0, Audra McLaughlin & Jake Worthington.

All in all, make the Live shows happen already. Oh wait, the others have to be skimmed through.

Up next for scrutiny, The Playoffs Part II.

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