Due to personal issues mainly involving being bummed as fuck, I will not be recapping The NBC Program with Ratings this week. However, that doesn't mean I'll be leaving a "Gone Fishin'" sign and leave any all readers hanging. Instead, I'll be making "predictions"/smart ass remarks about how the remaining Top 12 will do this week...
Per MJSBIGBLOG, these are the song spoilers...
Evan McKeel – Team Pharrell – "This is It" by Kenny Loggins. EWWWWWWWWWWW, Evan's getting tiger-fucked with song choice this week. He'll do his best, but chances are he'll be up for elimination.
Mark Hood – Team Pharrell – "Against all Odds" by Phil Collins. YAY! Pharrell hates Jason Derulo's stunt double! Why else would he assign Mark a fucking Phil Collins song? HAHAHAHAHAHA If all plays correctly, Mark will be booted from the show this week.
Madi Davis – Team Pharrell – "Who Will Save Your Soul" by Jewel. PERFECT song choice that'll have the critics stupidly assume that Madi is a one trick pony. The coaches might actually express concern but Madi should be fine assuming the Voice Voters not fuck around and actually vote for her.
Braiden Sunshine – Team Gwen – "Renegade" by Styx. OH MY GOD, Gwen is a moron. Nothing says "detached coach" like giving a 15 year old the size of a key-chain a goddamn Styx song. XD Braiden could get the boot, but if Dez Duron from S3 taught us anything, it's that you can skate by on looks with voters a plenty and never showcase actual talent.
Korin Bukowski – Team Gwen – "Titanium" by David Guetta ft. Sia. HA! I can only wish disaster on queen of the fake "~quirk~". This will probably be given to Korin to showcase personality but without coming across like a somehow more irritating Zooey Deschanel. Korin's odds are 50/50 this week.
Jeffery Austin – Team Gwen – "Let it Go" by James Bay. Ginger Sam Smith has an uphill battle and if he delivers his very best...he could still be screwed considering most of the field. Still, Jeffery should be safe, but don't bet the ranch on that.
Barrett Baber – Team Blake – "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx. By proxy, it's Team Blake so I don't give a gift wrapped FUCK about Barrett and the rest. He'll get votes for his sob story and not on talent.
Emily Ann Roberts – Team Blake – "Blame it on Your Heart" by Patty Loveless. Voice voters have this weird obsession with country, so expect her to advance "safely".
Zach Seabaugh – Team Blake – "My Love" by Easton Corbin. If anybody deserves the boot this week, it's Zach but considering Blake's poor taste and lock with Voice voters...Zach might see it to next week.
Amy Vachal – Team Adam – "Hotline Bling" by Drake. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA holy shit does Adam hate Amy! This performance smells like it could go the way of Audrey Karrasch from S4's Knockout performance of "How to Love" by Lil' Wayne. The fail looms, but Voice voters could be stupid enough to advance her but by a narrow margin from the bottom 2-4 or whatever it is this time.
Jordan Smith – Team Adam – "Great is Thy Faithfulness". Although Jordan has no talent as he strains every note he sings, the hype machine has already indicated him making the finale for no good goddamn reason.
Shelby Brown – Team Adam – "In Color" by Jamey Johnson. Even if she makes this her own, Shelby could be screwed considering the field. If she performs after Amy in tonight's order, she'll be safe and put Amy in the bottom.
See you next week! By then I'll be less bummed.