Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Voice S9: ...I'd Wipe It Off His Face

Tonight marks the second round of Live Playoffs and it's Team Pharrell and Team Blake night (Though for the sake of dignity I will only cover Team Pharrell as Team Blake just needs to lose again.)

First thing's first, let me moan, groan and complain that Voice voters with iTunes accounts must be erased from life. Person I hate most/this season's "Chosen One" Jordan Smith has pretty much hit the Top 5 of iTunes charts relevant to that goddamn iTunes Multiplier. Abolish iTunes voting NOW. Buy their songs only if you want, but NO on those being counted as votes that could be multiplied. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Now that I have THAT out of my system, these are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery, FlirtCruiting, questionable song choices and last minute shenanigans that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on! [REMEMBER: I'm only covering Team Pharrell]

First for Pharrell, Darius Scott. He ended up performing "Love Lockdown" by Kanye West. So, Kanye's worst song is meant to help this dude? FELICIA...BYE GURL BYE.
Come showtime, the line "the vibe is wrong" is exactly what happened with this performance. Darius has always been a competent singer but no one particularly gripping. Bad song choice aside, his singing on the chorus was so underwhelming it seemed the death spot was already arranging for his departure.

Second for Pharrell, Evan McKeel. He ended up with "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder AKA that song he "performed" in an "impromptu" style for Pharrell in his Blind Audition. O_- a problem has emerged. There is now an attempt to attach this dude to this song and make him seem unable to be versatile.
Come showtime, the hype seemed to have 51% of this performance. Evan's tone was clear and he does know how to sing but goddamnit this song choice was bad. His "portfolio" now includes 2 Stevie Wonder songs out of 4 songs in general that he's done. O_O If he survives the 50/50 grind, Pharrell better expand his horizons and fast.

Third for Pharrell, Madi Davis. She ended up singing "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac; UGH...obscure song by a band barely cool in the 70s/80s. Song choice is looking to punish Madi and I hoped that was not the case.
Come showtime, song choice did not punish Madi as she proceeded to do her best of turning this lump of coal into a diamond. Granted her enunciation was a bit too lenient on some words, her tone was still among the most unique this season and perhaps of the last 3 seasons combined.

Fourth for Pharrell, his comeback artist...Celeste Betton! YAAAAAAAAAAAS ANOTHER FAVORITE HAS RETURNED! She ended up singing "Something in the Water" by Carrie Underwood. Breath is a bit screwy in rehearsals and I was hoping that she wasn't set up for failure.
Come showtime, her projection was a bit hit and miss in lower registers. Once at mid and higher registers, her singing was damn near perfect for her. Towards the end it did seem like she was dropping the lyrics but her performance felt very inspired.

Fifth for Pharrell, Riley Biederer. She ended up singing "Should've Been You" by Tori Kelly. -_- Pharrell...hunny...do you secretly hate your contestants this season? Why would you give someone a Tori Kelly song? That's very hateful and you're normally made of world peace and 7Eleven Slurpees.
Come showtime, her vibe was right but her singing seemed like she was trying to make this a country ballad. O_- Pop artists tend to run the risk of deviating to a style of sound that doesn't suit them and country anything is NOT meant for Riley. Apart from that, confidence could carry her but that's if she gets enough votes to pull an upset.

Closing out the Live Playoffs for Pharrell, Mark Hood. He ended up singing "What Do You Mean?" by He Who Inspired Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. -____________- This poor song choice seems contestant driven but Pharrell still earns ire for this song choice not being barred.
Come showtime, this did not exactly reek of suck. While his tone was a bit uneven and at times strained and forced, he still sang better than Justin Bieber (Though All T, All Shade; that bar is about as high as a Mormon.) Mark is probably going to move on because of Voice Voter Stupidity but at least he defied lowered expectations by remembering the lyrics.

[By the way, Blake brought back Nadjah Nicole and I again could smell rage from other recappers who had overrated-gasms for Krista Hughes. It smelled like Potpourri and world peace.]

All in all, there's a 50/50 chance that S9 could end before the Top 12 and I am NOT. HAPPY.

Up next for scrutiny, the Results of the Live Playoffs.

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