Monday, November 9, 2015

The Voice S9: If I Wanted My Comeback...

The NBC Program with Ratings has pulled a stunt that is simply meant to fuck with everyone this season. APPARENTLY, this is the season to bring back "robbed" contestants as it was just announced that the show would allow each coach to bring back one artist that was gypped from either the Battle or Knockout rounds.

Here's MY thoughts on this twist; it is so full of shit, the toilet's jealous. This season is progressing in the right direction as overrated and terrible contestants have been eliminated early (even if the likes of that goddamn Jordan Smith, Viktor Kiraly, Korin Bukowski and really anyone else that is not of the few favorites I have left.) and now it could go to shit.

Most of the predictions as to who they could bring back [from Lyndsey Parker of Yahoo! Music fame and recapping site MJSBIGBLOG alike] leave me concerned with exception of bringing back Tim Atlas of Team Pharrell (Though Pharrell could fuck up and bring back Siahna Im instead of Tim and pull a Sugar Joans ALL. OVER. AGAIN.)
I normally don't care about Team Blake, but the expectation/reality is allowing Krista Hughes to come back. Oh great; ANOTHER overrated singer looking to annoy me with plainness. I'll hate it less than I did with Sawyer Fredericks but if she's back, OH. GOD. another overrated contestant could send my favorites home.

As for Teams Adam and Gwen, it's a toss-up and a weird wanting of Ellie Lawrence to come back respectively. -_________-

So let's witness the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery, FlirtCruiting, questionable song choices and last minute shenanigans that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

***NOTE: So right when I got home, word is all but Team Pharrell's comeback contestants are from the Knockout rounds...XD

***NOTE 2: Tonight is Team Adam and Team Gwen night.

First up, Blaine Mitchell from Team Adam. He picked "Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS because it symbolizes him getting married...UGH; I hated Jubal & Amanda marital shenanigans so Blaine now sucks slightly less. Adam imagined this song for him and Blaine was told to feel his emotional oats. -_-
Come showtime, his vibe was less good contestant and more knockoff of X Factor Australia runner-up Dean Ray. His singing sounded both closed and strained at the same damn time and apparently, his wife agreed to be panned to damn near every 2 seconds toward the end. Hope the death spot does its job and sends his ass home. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Second, Regina Love from Team Gwen. She ended up with "Hello" by Adele. GODDAMN this just song came out. Regina was told to push through more with the first chorus AKA the beginning. In theory, this should work out beautifully...
Come showtime, Regina was able to make this song sound just as beautiful as Adele did but still sound damn near perfect. Granted her lower registers seemed a bit too low for her and the chorus was sort of kicking her down a flight of stairs. Still there were enough tasteful theatrics to enhance this performance.

Third, Keith Semple from Team Adam. He ended up with "To Be With You" by Mr. Big. EWWWWWWWWWWW; that song is awful and the fact that "Irish McDermott" is doing it is going to make this seem like a casserole of suck.
Come showtime, his beginning vocals didn't quite suck but his tone still seems dated by a good 25-30 years. If all his advice amounted to was "Be yourself because you're the only ~rawker \m/ ~ left", it's not surprising why he sounded so bland, flat and unoriginal.

Fourth, Shelby Brown of Team Adam. She ended up singing "You're No Good" by Linda Ronstadt. Apparently this was meant to be a crossover moment for Shelby as the "genre" thing was discussed/brought up as something bad.
Come showtime, Shelby proved to be consistent and out of 4 so far, she was the best. How she would hold up against the overrated and talentless has yet to be determined but Shelby deserves at least a Top 8 finish. There was something of an alluring, crisp tone to her voice and that alone should be vote worthy (Then again most Voice voters are idiots and with HALF of this Top 24 getting the ax, she could be screwed.)

Fifth, Korin Bukowski of Team Gwen. UGH at this try-hard with "~unique~" and "~quirky~" still being here. She ended up singing "Adia" by Sarah McLachlan (And animals everywhere were begging to be taken in by the ASPCA as to not hear her sing.) Gwen's critique is for Korin to become more dynamic...-_- realize this is Korin, right?
Come showtime, she was less "~quirky~" but even less able to sing than she had ever been. Whenever her tone wasn't ridden with breath issues, her attempts at projection revealed tons of underdeveloped ability to carry a tune in a bucket. I fear Korin could advance due to lack of voter taste, but I hope she's booted before the Top 10.

GWEN'S COMEBACK IS...Ellie Lawrence and I HATE GWEN. WHY?! That trick lost her Knockout round because she sucked. Say HI to 4th place. She ended up singing "Ex's & Oh's" by Elle King. She was encouraged to bring her "personality" forward. What, rearrange her hair so it falls in the front? BITCH PLEASE.
Come showtime, her singing sucked yet again. Her enunciation was terrible, her breath control was horrible, her projection was lurid and she was giving Christina Grimmie vibes which adds to Ellie being one of my most hated contestants in this show's history.

Seventh, Jeffery Austin of Team Gwen. He ended up singing "Say You Love Me" by Jessie Ware. This was meant to play up his critique of being more honest and he revealed that some schmuck said he loves him via text. DITCH THAT ZERO AND GET YOU A HERO!
Come showtime, he still felt slightly mechanic/stiff but for singers it makes better sense than if he were to simply be "emotional" all the time. Even with the somewhat creeping Sam Smith vibes, Jeffery has some level of talent. Could he survive? Unlikely, but what a way to go out.

Eighth, Braiden Sunshine of Team Gwen. He ended up singing "Everything I Own" by Bread. -____________- FELICIA...GET ON OUT. Braiden is told to be more passionate which if he weren't 15 and the size of a high heel, would be good feedback but...
Come showtime, I worried his voice would crack halfway through the fifth word sung. That didn't happen, but he soon became swallowed whole by the oddly mellow as fuck arrangement. His projection without the band was decent but once they kicked in for the chorus, he got dropkicked down a flight of stairs.

Ninth, Amy Vachal of Team Adam. She ended up singing "The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra. Her brief was to build upon alleged "chops" in Jazz that Amy "has". -______-
Come showtime, Amy's naturally meek, boring nature translated into competent but dull singing of a "standard". Maybe these near useless personality critiques can be applied to this one's boring self. "Look alert!"; "Don't close your damn eyes all the time!"; "Be less Vanilla than extract damn you!"

Tenth, Viktor Kiraly of Team Gwen. He ended up singing "All Around the World" by Lisa Stansfield. This is further proof that Gwen...has no taste for her contestants as most of her song selections for contestants have been based on her loving the song first. GURL; 4TH PLACE IS CALLING FOR YOU.
Come showtime, Hungarian Robin Thicke delivered on the schmooze and once again failed to show any singing ability. Vibrato without resonance is just shaky vocals which is coursing in the dude's veins...even with a mute button, dude is terrible as fuck.

ADAM'S COMEBACK ARTIST IS...Chance Pena. -______- ADAM...ADAM...NO. He ended up singing "Barton Hollow" by Civil Wars. This was meant to represent his alleged "indie" leanings or "rock for beginners" style of singing.
Come showtime, this wasn't his Knockout level terrible but dude is trying too hard to sound older than he is. It's one thing to want to connect with songs that are older than you in essence or time of release, but the technical ability has to present itself and the dude doesn't have it.

Finally (and I use that term loosely here), Jordan Smith of Team Adam. He ended up singing "Halo" by Beyonce. YOU STAY AWAY FROM BEYONCE'S CATALOG YOU WRETCH! The hype surrounding this dude makes me want to punch someone.
Come showtime, his singing seemed to improve but towards the end his melodrama ruined what could've been a bearable performance. I will be THAT bitch that does not give him credit. I want someone I LIKE to win the show and it should NOT be him.

All in all, Jeffery Austin comes close to favorite territory but falls short every time and might not have longer to last.

Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Live Playoffs.

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