Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Elections of Manchurian Candidates

Some of the contestants do seem to give some puppet state of Manchukuo realness (Look it up through Google. Though don't fret; my nerdy ass is still shady enough for recaps). Another acceptable title would've been "The Battle of San Juan HELL...Another Montage". Apart from the inferred montage of certain contestants, tonight marked the final round of Battles on The Voice. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds and marklar that occurred on tonight's episode.

Let's play rough and get it on!

First to get their Sino/Japanese war realness on was Jonny Gray & Shawn "Big Sexy" Smith of Team Cee-Lo. They were given "Refugee" by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. The huskiness in Shawn's voice had me side with him because going into this, I didn't know what to make of their duel. Jonny had a little issue with timing and authority but to be honest I didn't know how to go into this battle. The battle commences and Jonny did improve from his initial rehearsals but Shawn did bring his initial command and whipped something up "Big Sexy Fierce" (Yes that will be a thing now; fuck off if you hate it). After the coaches give their banter, Cee-Lo ends up picking Jonny to win. Because all the other coaches wasted steals on the likes of Lina Gaudenzi, Will Champlain and Nic Hawk, Big Sexy was eliminated (And "Big Sexy Fierce" is no longer a thing).

Second to duke it out before the Court of Public Opinion, Barry Black & Preston Pohl of Team Adam. They were given "I Wish it Would Rain" by the Temptations. Eh, these two are evenly matched but I can't with either of them. Barry is a bit too "trumpet mouth" for me and Preston never impressed me that much. I do give them credit for having fun in their initial rehearsals. The battle commences and they both sound competent but not captivating (And yes, Barry did that goddamn trumpet trick again). After the coaches give their takes on who should be named the victor, Adam ends up picking Preston to win. And now a funeral horn for Barry *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*.

Oh joy; oh rapture...the person responsible for another montage. These are the nouns and such that triumphed over their competitors in their Battles...

Holly Henry and Cilla Chan of Team Blake. They sang "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia. Holly wins.

Emily Randolph and Brandon Chase of Team Blake. They sang "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John. Brandon wins.

Tamara Chauniece and Keaira LaShae of Team Cee-Lo. They sang "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. Tamara wins.

Emily, Cilla and Keaira were double montage victims...ouch.

Good luck in the Knockout Rounds to those that won..."Some T, Some Shade".

Finally, the Battles of S5 closed with Stephanie-Anne Johnson & Mason-Dixon Barbie...err Olivia Henken of Team X-Tina. They were given "Done" by The Band Perry. Even though Olivia felt right at home singing country bait, Stephanie showed more potential from the get-go. When X-Tina suggested the key be raised and letting the band finish before their last note...Olivia was shown to suck. The battle commenced and I realized that either way Olivia was still going to be in the competition. Stephanie proceeds to put Barbie back on the shelf as she made this song her own. After the coaches give their piece, X-Tina picks Olivia to win. X-Tina needed a screw-up at some point. Cee-Lo uses the last steal of the battles on Stephanie.

All in all, the Knockouts will have steals this season (And I'm scared Nic Hawk may be stolen again and that Tessanne will assume her most deviant form as she reincarnates as HRFH. O_O) and I cannot wait to see how things turn out.

Next up for scrutiny, the Knockout Rounds Part 1.

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