Monday, October 21, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Persians and Lydians

This Battle Round's episode recap title comes from the most famed misinterpretation from the Oracle of Delphi (Don't fall asleep, motherfucker.) The Lydian king sought the Oracle of Delphi (That being Greek mythology realness; and I said to NOT fall asleep) because he wanted to wage war against the Persians. The Oracle said, "You will destroy a great kingdom". He thought it was the Persians and lo and behold, the Lydians were tiger-fucked out of existence.
That applies to tonight's episode as some people were tiger-fucked out of existence as Adam, Cee-Lo, X-Tina and Blake dwindled their teams yet again. These are the nouns, pronouns and such that transpired on the 3rd round of battles.

Let's play rough and get it on! (SPECIAL Note: Today just so happens to be my 23rd birthday. Huzzah and shit!)

First to get their Battle of Thymbra on (Yes, I did keep the Persian and Lydian theme going. Don't fall asleep, bitch.) was Josh Logan & Michael Lynch of Team X-Tina. They were given "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5. For those that forgot, Michael was the white guy who loves him some Latin music. Their beef with the song was that it was too wordy or hard to sing live -_-. The battle commences and I was wondering if Michael could actually commit to an all English song. Although not awful, I couldn't hear Michael commit to the song like I sensed. Josh isn't getting my votes but I think he won this. After the coaches give their 2 cents, X-Tina ends up picking Josh to win. Michael ends up not being stolen and goes home.

Second up for scrutiny, George Horga Jr. & Juhi of Team Cee-Lo. They were given "The Best I've Ever Had" by Gavin DeGraw. I was rooting for Juhi because she sounds better and has awesome hair. George struggles with the high note he's given for his section of the song. Juhi just had to not have a mental breakdown...and also be consistent along with enunciating her words. The battle commences and Juhi seems to have George tiger-fucked for her amusement (It isn't MrSwearword V.S. Everyone for nothing). After the coaches say who they think rocked it out and such, Cee-Lo ends up picking George to win. Cee-Lo, you are an idiot. Adam then makes my day by stealing Juhi for his team. I believe he was the one that asked her what type of artist she wanted to be (Though the thought of a Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse mashup just creeps me out) so this could be beneficial on both ends.

Third of the night was Austin Jenckes & Brian Pounds of Team Blake. They were given "To Love Somebody" by the BeeGees. Cher dictates Austin to not give away all of his tactics when he starts singing. Brian was told not to be cerebral (He's into country music; this should not be an issue.) Brian then takes initiative in the final rehearsal to ditch his guitar and just try singing (Funny how that happens on The Voice). The battle commenced and I found the same thing I found when Justin Chain and Shelbie Z. faced off; Brian is cuter but Austin will be the one that'll smoke his ass like brisket (I do know some good country things; like food). After the coaches gave their vantages, Blake ends up picking Austin to win. Brian ends up going home, but hey...I thought he was cute.

Fourth to battle was James Irwin & Matt Cermanski of Team Adam. They were given "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic. The song is about Ryan Tedder's struggle to get into music because he got hitched young. James was fine in his initial rehearsal. Ryan critiqued him to not "hang" on every word...yes it's Ryan's song, but James was fine. Matt wanted a different key, but could be in the same tone as the prompt called. Rehearsals indicate that James was the one who needed to maintain consistency to win. The battle commenced and Matt seemed to drop too many notes when his voice was lower. James added a type of allure not many men are capable of whilst singing. Surprisingly, this seemed even on the surface for a Battle Round. After the coaches gave their perspectives, Adam picks James to win. Matt can credit himself for being slightly under the comeback kid umbrella but tastes defeat and heads home.

Fifth, Destinee Quinn & Lina Gaudenzi of Team X-Tina. They were given "Not Ready to Make Nice" by The Dixie Chicks. I don't like either one of them and they could both go home...but I thought Destinee was more tolerable from the beginning. Both are scolded for not sounding pissed off enough with a song that has rage in it. I agree; they were much too inviting and warm in the beginning. When X-Tina sang the song in final rehearsals it showcased that these two were the weakest singers she had on her team. The battle commenced and they both sounded improved graded against themselves. Destinee gained favor with me for sounding stronger than she had (Lina still sounded like a goat and not in a good Shakira way.) After the coaches gave their opinions, X-Tina ended up picking Destinee to win. Adam screws up by stealing Lina for his team. 4 out of 5 at this point is about average for me.

Finally, James Wolpert & Will Champlin of Team Adam. They were given "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. James sounds better than Will in initial rehearsals. Apparently nerves = pitch issues (You Just Got Learned) and James needs "emotive" issues resolved and not sounding heartless. Will improved in final rehearsals and James got lectured by Ryan Tedder for using vibrato too much (You wrote and sang "Apologize", Ryan. You have no place to comment over monotony and/or tone.) The battle commenced and I feared that with Lina being stolen, an undeserved elimination of James would occur. The singing proved that I had nothing to worry about; I found Will too muffled at first and then just rubbish. After the coaches gave their banter and such, Adam ends up picking James to win. Will ends up being stolen last minute by X-Tina (Great job, were so close to doing the right thing, but noooooooooooooo. -_-)

All in all, some birthday present from a TV show, eh?

Up next for scrutiny, The Battle Rounds Part 4.

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