Monday, October 28, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Vague Thunderdome Reference

2 singers enter; 1 singer emerges victorious...unless they get stolen one last time. Yes that vague as fuck "Thunderdome" reference alongside remembering that steals are going to be included in the Knockouts from this season on, are signs The Voice put on an intended nail biting episode for all to enjoy. These are the marklar, gerunds, nouns and such that transpired in round 1 of the Knockouts...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up was Amber Nicole vs. Josh Logan (X-Tina). Amber chose "Mama Knows Best" by Jessie J. Initial rehearsals indicated she'd have to combat being sharp. Josh chose "Living For The City" by Stevie Wonder. Josh's initial rehearsal got the "Don't psyche yourself out" treatment (Even though I wanted Amber to whip his ass cleanly). The Knockouts start and Amber has sass on her side to make a Jessie J song enjoyable (Can she be made a saint for that?). Josh then gave his response and while competent, he didn't seem to have passion to coincide with it [*FUN Fact = "Competent" when used by singing critics equals "You didn't suck, but I wouldn't buy your album."*] The coaches give their piece and X-Tina picks Josh to carry to the Live shows (Great X-Tina...thanks so much). Cee-Lo and Blake opt to steal Amber but she knows better and picks Cee-Lo.

Second, Kat Robichaud vs. Monika Leigh (Cee-Lo). Kat chose "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette. Monika chose "Hit The Road Jack" by Ray Charles. Kat sounded mediocre and Monika sounded a little too clean for the song. The round commences and "CopyKat" lives up to her name as she tries to give Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel realness. Monika then took the stage and was giving some Peggy Lee "Fever" realness; slinky [sexy] enough to win over fans. The coaches give their opinions and Cee-Lo picks Kat to advance to the Live shows. That was beyond wrong on so many levels. Anywho, Monika is sent packing and I was left a little sad.

Third, Holly Henry vs. Nic Hawk (Blake). Holly chose "Creep" by Radiohead. Holly got some pitch critiques and was told more or less "Don't become fender ketchup". Nic chose "Genie In A Bottle" by X-Tina. He's second and that's all he deserves *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. The round commences and Holly gives some "Haunted Doll" realness to her performance even though she sounded a little swallowed by the song. Again, Nic was second and that's all he deserves. The coaches give their take on what transpired and Blake picked Nic to advance to the Live shows. Was I high? No, Blake fucked up royally and Holly was eliminated.

Fourth, Ashley DuBose vs. Tessanne Chin (Adam). Ashley chose "Hey Soul Sister" by Train. Ashley's intent is to exude more whimsy and be less cold seeming [I think she's fine before singing Train, but hey.] Tessanne chose "What Doesn't Kill You Make You Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson. Tessanne struggled in rehearsals and was told to take care of her voice. The round kicks off and Ashley sounds very clean and poised despite the wanting to exude whimsy. Tessanne took the stage and I didn't care that much what she did. The coaches gave their perspectives as to who should win, Adam picks Tessanne to advance to the Live shows. Ashley isn't stolen and I was disgusted. Really?! Really?! Ugh...

Fifth, Briana Cuoco vs. Shelbie Z. (Blake). Briana chose "Don't Speak" by No Doubt. Briana was told to give more substance to her singing for this song. Shelbie chose "Last Name" by Carrie Underwood. Shelbie pulls a Mason-Dixon Barbie...err Olivia Henken and brags about singing this song in contests and winning. As she struggled in rehearsals, I thought to myself "Hubris shall be her downfall." The round starts as Briana gives the best singing she has to date. Shelbie then takes the stage and was good, but considering the underdog thing Briana came in with, I was hoping her No Doubt cover would hold. The coaches give their two cents, and Blake ends up picking Shelbie to advance to the live shows. Briana was sent home and Lyndsey Parker was right again. Blake has never picked a steal in the Knockout rounds.

Sixth, Grey vs. James Irwin (Adam). Grey chose "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Grey was told in initial rehearsals to keep up with this song choice. James chose "Breakeven" by The Script. James' initial critique was told to give more ferocity with his song choice. I was scared for him because he and The Script songs do not equal success. The round commenced and Grey sounded too subdued and icy on a Kelly Clarkson song. Credit to her lung capacity, but that's about it. James had a signature tone to the song and I thought that spelled victory for him. The coaches divulge their thoughts and Adam picks Grey to advance to the Live shows. Then, James isn't stolen and I was floored. He was robbed on a deserted highway.

Seventh, Destinee Quinn vs. Olivia Henken (X-Tina). Destinee chose "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood. Olivia chose "You're No Good" by Linda Ronstadt . Ugh; if they could both leave, I'd be the happiest lark at the Swear Ball EXTRAVAGANZA *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. They both gave their performances but I thought neither was stellar. I did want Destinee to win because she isn't a Mason-Dixon Barbie. The coaches gave their perspectives over everything and X-Tina picked Olivia to advance to the Live shows. Enjoy 4th place again, X-Tina. Destinee is eliminated and while not disappointing, this night kept sucking.

Finally, Cole Vosbury vs. Jonny Gray (Cee-Lo). Cole chose "Let Her Go" by Passenger. Cole wanted his song choice to be better known to the public. Jonny chose "We Can Work It Out". The round commenced and Cole sounded tranquil but not captivating enough to me. Jonny took the stage and despite the vibrato friendly rendition given, he does sound pleasing enough to reel everyone in. The coaches give their take on things and Cee-Lo picks Jonny to advance to the Live shows. Cole ends up getting stolen, but Jonny is picked and THANK GOD I was not wrong. Adam and Blake vie to steal Cole (And where the hell were you for Ashley, James or Monika?!) and Cole picks Blake.

All in all, though things are going to remain ugly/enjoyable as far as seeing how these pairings will play out, this was the worst Knockout set of The Voice U.S.

Up next for scrutiny, the Knockouts Part 2.

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