Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Zama Zama Zama Zama Chameleon

In case you fell asleep in history class or use search engines for truly disgusting things, Zama refers to the very last battle of the Second Punic War...which resulted in the beginning of fall of the Carthaginian Empire (All whimsy up in this motherfucker, eh?) Musically...oh shit you should vaguely know the Culture Club reference. That aside, tonight marked round 2 of The Voice's Battle Rounds. Adam, Cee-Lo, X-Tina and Blake would go on to make the following decisions that heavily affected the marklar competing (Remember...I don't give a marklar if you hate this reference.)

Let's play rough and get it on! *PROGRAMMING ALERT: The format appears to mimic that of S4 where Round 2 of the Battles are 1 hour long with a montage of people that made it. Wow, great -_-*

First up, Jacob Poole V.S. Matthew Schuler of Team X-Tina. They were given "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up)" by Fall Out Boy. I went in wanting Matthew to win. On paper, Jacob seemed to have edge as X-Tina noted Matthew could be overzealous and "step" on his toes. Still, I don't know if the song complimented either one. Maybe something to the effect of "So Complicated" by The Noisettes could've made this a little more even. The battle commenced and to be honest they did measure up; although Matthew sounded more in control of his breath and better than Jacob. X-Tina ended up picking Matthew to win. Jacob ended up eliminated, but I wasn't that surprised. Lung capacity will always prevail over someone who looks the part better (Eww; I sounded pretentious there.)

Second of the night, Kat Robichaud V.S. R. Anthony of Team Cee-Lo. They were assigned "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith. Ugh, this seemed one-sided as hell as a rock song benefitted CopyKat (No one that tries to be like Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel deserves to win.) R. was told to pick and choose his runs and I could give a rat's ass what CopyKat got as initial commentary. The battle commenced and I found myself hoping this wouldn't turn into the tiger-fucking that was Beverly McClellan V.S. Justin Grennan in S1. Personally, I was kind of happy that R. stepped up to the plate; CopyKat sounded like she was getting skinned *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. Cee-Lo ended up picking Kat to win. Sadly this did end up like the tiger-fucking I feared it would and R. ended up going home. Kat seriously needs to drop her imitation of Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel in the Knockouts if she wants to be taken seriously.

Great...a fucking montage...this is who won of the following matches...

Cole Vosbury V.S. Lupe Carroll of Team Cee-Lo; they sang "Africa" by Toto. Cole won.

E.G. Daily V.S. Sam Cerniglia of Team Blake.;they sang "Let's Give 'Em Somthing to Talk About" by Bonnie Raitt. E.G. won.

Ashley Dubose. V.S. Justin Blake; they sang the duet X-Tina recorded with Blake for Lotus. Ashley won.

Finally, Monika Leigh V.S. Ray Boudreaux of Team Blake. They were given "Some Kind of Wonderful". Cher read Blake to filth by saying "I've been working. I don't just sit on my ass and punch a little button." Aside from that, I wanted Monika to win just because I remembered her Joss Stone vibes being so much better than Ray. The battle commenced and personally I thought this was generally blase compared to the last episode's battles. Still, Monika dropkicked Ray down a flight of stairs. Blake ended up picking Ray to win. Monika did get stolen by Cee-Lo so that justified everything.

All in all, this may have been weaker than last episode's battles, but fuck it; I love the show through and through and certain people should've been made Carthaginians instead of Romans (Nerd alert, bitches.)

Up next for scrutiny; The Battle Rounds Part 3.

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