Monday, October 7, 2013

The Voice U.S. S5 Recap: Five O'Clock Shadow Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Isn't vague reference to court jargon rather quaint if you haven't been sued? Tonight marked the final round of the 5th time Adam Shevine Levine, Cee-Lo Green, Christina Aguilera and Blake Shevine Shelton have fought against big-red chair induced motion sickness on S5 of The Voice (Dial 555-STFU for more information). The Blind Auditions are done and these are the nouns, pronouns and other marklar that transpired in this episode. All defendants in the Court of Public Opinion please rise...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First to the stand of judgment was S4 reject Matt Cermanski. He was the one who sang a Katy Perry song that wasn't "Firework" and got the boot. He sang "Have A Little Faith In Me" by John Hiatt. He got everyone but X-Tina to turn (When I agree with X-Tina, I think it's not up to snuff.) Adam remembered him and loved him whilst being adorably bitchy to Cee-Lo and Blake. Matt ended up picking Adam as his coach. He did give him his "Don't give up" speech in S4 so it makes sense.

Second to the stand was a San Antonio, Texas native who looked like a scene kid/Hot Topic version of Dez Duron; Diego Roman Navaira. He sang "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol. He sounded like a Billy Idol impersonator but came from a famous background [his dad was an early Tejano act whose colleague of sorts was Selena]. He ended up a no chair turn and I knew why. He sounded like an impersonator and really should've picked something else. Remember; this isn't MrSwearword V.S. Everyone for nothing. Don't come for me unless I sent for you *Z-Snap formation*

Third defendant of the night was Church girl turned recording artist Tamara Chauniece. She recorded an album at 11 [VFTW would've hated this woman]. She auditioned with 1+1 by Beyonce. I liked her song choice but her timing and money notes were so off. So I kind of like this song choice but not entirely her singing yet. Cee-Lo and X-Tina fight over her and she picks Cee-Lo as her coach. The Church girl going to the "Red Zone"? Missionary work, indeed.

Fourth up for their trial by fire, Brandon Chase; a man as smart as Juhi but not as awesome musically in his bio piece. Yes he had a sob story, but this is The Voice; not OWN. He auditioned with "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes. For country bait, he wasn't Kewpie Doll deplorable, but still won't get votes from me. Blake and Cee-Lo turn for him and after banter over fashion sense/genre aspirations, Brandon picks Blake as his coach. Wow; what a shock -_-

Fifth, the case of Public Opinion V.S. Lupe Carroll; a florist looking to prune that boring part of his existence out of his life. He married a fellow music enthusiast and I grew bored waiting for him to audition. He hit the stage auditioning with "If I Were A Carpenter". He ends up defaulting to Cee-Lo who at that point had 1 spot remaining on his team. Personally, I thought he wasn't my type of singer and he might've been an Adam pick. Either way, there's more to cover.

Sixth to the stand, Grey. Seriously, that's the name she answers to. Balancing retail and a wedding band has a price. She auditioned with "Catch My Breath" by Kelly Clarkson. Personally, a Kelly Clarkson song is known for Clarkson's lung capacity. Grey didn't have that for me, but meanwhile Blake's chair malfunctioned which was a show first. He along with Cee-Lo and Adam turned around and Grey had a bit of a doozy on her hands. She ends up picking Adam as her coach even though she admitted to singing country growing up. With Grey, Adam finishes first [which Shevine shippers love ; )]

Seventh trial by/baptism of fire was Dominic Scott Kay who apparently was a child actor turned singer whose Dad was the drummer in The Commodores [VFTW would've demanded this dude's head on a platter]. He auditions with "Easy" by The Commodores and sounds terrible. He has no passion in this song and his singing voice was flat out awful to me. He ended up a no chair turn because he was too nasally (Yet Cassadee Pope won S3...j'accuse!) and he's forced to return to the life of being the son of The Commodores' drummer. What a travesty -_-

Eighth having to be represented by an Imaginationland D.A. was Michael Lynch. He's kind of interesting as he learned Spanish via Spanish music. He auditioned with "Bailamos" by Enrique Iglesias. He sings in Spanish better than I ever can, so credit to him there. X-Tina, Blake and Cee-Lo turn for him (Muchas gracias, Adam. Muchas gracias.) He picks X-Tina as his coach...breaking the hearts of the other suitors on Momentos Opulentos de La Voz EEUU. With Michael, her team is full and 4th place awaits her she will do her best for S5.

Ninth for trial in the C.O.P.O., Deanna Johnson. Her beef is with sounding like country bait but loving pop music. She auditions with "Stars" by Grace Potter and The Nocturnals. I liked her a little only because she's bucking her country surroundings. Singing, she's ok but all it was a bad song choice. The coaches don't turn and she's encouraged to try out again.

Tenth to the stand, Brian Pounds. Self-aware of the exposure The Voice can bring he hits the stage with "Wagon Wheel" by Darius Rucker. Blake and Cee-Lo turn and try to finish building their teams with him. He seems to be tolerable country bait and Cee-Lo's comments were golden. After the glorious exchange, he breaks Cee-Lo's heart by picking Blake. Blake finished (*Insert Shevine pun here*) and Cee-Lo will get one of if not the last singer in this episode.

Montage of rejects time. Give or take Danielle Walsh's wanting to be on Cee-Lo's team...NEXT!

Finally (The running gag is over), Shawn Smith defaulted to Cee-Lo. He auditioned with pure Southern-fried country bait, "Chicken Fried" by the Zac Brown Band. He may be more country than I liked, but he calls himself Big Sexy...good God. May he prosper in life outside singing. Cee-Lo finishes his team and the Blind Auditions are finito.

All in all, the Battles await and who will triumph and who will face their Waterloo? O_o

Next up for scrutiny, the Battle Rounds part 1.

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