Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Voice S8: 4: Repeat Steps 1-3

[Tonight's episode recap title is in reference to the infamous lyric from the Brian McKnight song "Back at One"]

With Meghan, Deanna, Sonic, Barry and India as a GOOD set of contestants, Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Xtina and Pharrell are getting slightly better at scoping out the potential Kelly Clarkson of the show. Others could emerge, but I need a pure winner from the gate. I cannot be 0 for 8 in purity sake. Craig Wayne Boyd is forever the prettiest winner and the testament as to how much I hate overrated chodes like ALL of Team Adam of S7 were. ALL of them were horrible; sorry...I'm trying not to relive the worst season of the show.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up for Round 4, Ashley Morgan. She was rushed right into the introduction as not even Carson voice over appeared to say her name. She auditioned with "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. Whitney songs are banned from my serious bin. Pharrell and Blake went tone deaf and turned around for her. I don't know why; she missed way too many notes and picked overrated music from an overrated artist. Sans the fuckery [in more than one way], she picks Pharrell as her coach.

Second, Koryn Hawthorne. She was serving Little Caesars product placement realness (and giving subtle shade to Pizza Hut and the dinner boxes; YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS). She auditioned with "My Kind of Love" by Emeli Sande. Her tone while unique was a bit too low at times, even for her early lower registers. Pharrell and Xtina end up turning for her. She might be a dark horse/stealth player but I don't know if her potential could be tapped properly. Sans the banter, she picks Xtina as her coach.

Third, Lexi Davila. The personification of Shy Sheila being so shy ["How shy is she?" Shut up.] She auditioned with "Dreaming of You" by Selena. O_O High risk with a 2 chair reward courtesy of Mr. and Mr. Shevine. Nerves got the best of her but props to her for a Selena song selection...even if she has the nervous system of a squirrel. Sans banter, she picks Adam as her coach.

BORING PEOPLE MONTAGE! Adam landed Josh Batstone, Xtina landed Katelyn Read & Ameera Delandro while Blake landed Bay Brooks.

Fourth, Quincy Mumford. I bet he hates Mumford and his other sons... He auditioned with "Dancing Machine" by The Jackson 5. O_O WHAT?! He tried, but ended up a S8 reject and I side with the coaches here. He was so off key, off pitch and just horrible. Reject gratitude on fleek but damn was that bad.

Fifth, Brenna Yaeger. She's trying to cure herself of cabin fever. She auditioned with "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert AKA Blake's wife. Way to have Angela Wolff level cojones, gurly. Adam was the first to turn for her before Blake got in at the last minute. She expressed wanting to be on Blake's team so Adam would have to try and sell her some Modern Snake Oil to her in order to get a country singer...I don't know why.
Country singers are incapable of artistic growth. Consistency tends to be their friend, but development never gets there. She ended up picking Blake as her coach. WHAT A SURPRISE...-_-

Sixth, Jeremy Gaynor. West Point entertainment realness; YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS. He auditioned with "Superstar" by The Carpenters. He does have a level of emoting that not a lot of Voice auditioners have. Still, his brand of singing can read boring if not directed to the bold. All the coaches end up turning for him and each of them were vultures in trying to swoop him up. Sans banter, he ends up picking Xtina as his coach.

Seventh, Jack Gregori. He had something to fall back on until the recession by way of the real estate crash, to which music became the answer. He auditioned with "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. His voice was a little too much on the campy low register in singing but Adam [and only Adam] heard something good. So, Adam has another one...YAY...

Eighth, Briar Jonnee. She's from a town the size of a recycling bin. How so? She has to travel 13 miles for groceries...O_O She auditioned with "Take a Bow" by Rihanna. She's decent but needs more "oomph" for a Rihanna song. Pharrell and Blake were the ones that turned for her and I'll give them benefit of the doubt with this one. Potential is there, but she needs "oomph". Sans marklar, she ends up picking Pharrell as her coach.

Ninth, Jess Gallo. Her last name gave me Leo Gallo "Blurred Lines" horror flashbacks. Bonus props to an LGBT contestant being on the show. She auditioned with "Stolen Dance". Nice try, Jess but no. It was this weird Donald Duck with voice modulation thing. She ends up a S8 reject and I side with the coaches. Reject gratitude on fleek.

Tenth, Brian Johnson. Pretty much the winner of "Human Saint" considering the latter half of his background story. He auditioned with "Reason to Believe". He got his wish of Adam noticing him as in the midst of the first syllable he turned around for him. Blake joined the fracas and it was Round 2,603,040 of Mr. Shevine vs. Mr. Shevine. Sans gerunds 'n such, he picks Blake as his coach at the last minute. -_- You wanted Adam but a sweet nothing from Blake had you jump ship? BYE FELICIA.

Finally, Corey Kent White. As if the name Corey Kent wasn't white enough, the surname White was tacked on due to...family history. He auditioned with "Chicken Fried" by The Zac Brown Band. The coaches screwed around a bit before Blake and Pharrell hit their buttons. His Southern-Fried BAIT tendencies were ever so present. What he lacks in vocal chops he makes up for with "having fun". Sans the fuckery he picks Blake as his coach. SHOCKING -_-

All in all, the top 5 in my eyes maybe have Koryn and Briar to add to the collective good. This show keeps inching close to another future has-been chance to find their much needed Kelly Clarkson. Hell at the show's pace, we'll take a Fantasia or Jordin (Even an Adam Lambert of Top 10 then Queen cover-band gig notoriety is worth it for this show.)

Up next for scrutiny, Part V of the Blind Auditions.

No comments:

Post a Comment