Monday, March 9, 2015

The Voice S8: FourFiveSeconds from The Battle Rounds

[The episode title for tonight is in reference to the glorious Rihanna song "FourFiveSeconds" and the special type of programming that's happening tonight.]

Tonight is an economic 2 for 1 episode of The Voice, as in an effort to save money (Which they could easily slash Blake's paycheck for) is jumping right into the Battle Rounds right after the last 5 people get on the teams of Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Xtina and Pharrell.
So already, we're in a position of determining if the good ones I've scoped out [Meghan, Deanna, Sonic, Barry and India] are in danger of being tiger-fucked for mediocre or non-talented people on the show.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Nathan Hermida. Filipino pride 'n such. He auditioned with "Sure Thing". With two words sung, Adam turned around for him. -_- Xtina joined in by being the second turning. Personally, his singing while cute [for lack of better phrasing] just really sucked for an audition piece. Sans fuckery, he ends up picking Adam as his coach. With Nathan, Adam finishes building his team. Leave it to one half of Shevine to finish before the other. ; )

Second, Paul Pfau. Pfau? NEW STAGE NAME IN NEED ALERT! AND he's on some hustler tip to get a demo to Adam he didn't in the past... He auditioned with "Fly Me to The Moon" by Frank Sinatra. -_- Poser. Blake and Pharrell end up turning around but not before Pfau-man gave his hero Adam, his goddamn demo from years ago.
Once the fuckery had subsided, he picked Pharrell as his coach. Paul wasn't good [crooner friendly pop/rock wannabes leave a taste of suck in my mouth], but his hustle was on fleek.

Third, Gaia Golden. From the island to the mainland. She auditioned with "Red" by Taylor Swift. That 5-0 was DOA as she missed notes left and right like an inexperienced surfer missing waves. She ended up being a S8 reject but nice like all the rest. Reject gratitude on fleek.

Fourth, Vance Smith. I smell Jason Derulo/Chris Brown wannabe with this one. He auditioned with "Reach Out I'll Be There". He didn't do shit with his voice but at the last minute, Xtina and Pharrell became tone deaf and turned for him. Sans fuckery, he ended up picking Xtina as his coach. With Vance, Xtina's team is now complete.

Fifth, Caitlin Caporale. From a fan of The Voice to a 50/50 chance of making the show. She auditioned with "Impossible" by Christina Aguilera. OK asked for it. With her team full, Xtina couldn't turn. Pharrell and Blake end up turning because THEY knew when to not get contestants that suck. Sans fuckery, she ends up picking Pharrell as her coach. She was one of the better contestants to make it through.
With Caitlin, Pharrell's team is now full.

REJECT MONTAGE! Sorryboutit; come back in future season.

Closing off the S8 Blind Auditions, Hannah Kirby. A country girl who loves the video games. She auditioned with "The Letter". Last audition means she made it. Blake was finally able to complete his team with Hannah. She was decent for country adjacent folk, but as with a lot of Team Blake contestants with FEW exceptions duly noted, his contestants matter very little in the long run to me.

We're not done yet, remember? Now it's the Battle Rounds! O_-

First up, Ashley Morgan vs. Mia Z. of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Put Down The Gun" by ZZ Ward. Rehearsals indicate that both of them need emotive improvement. Mia was told to keep practicing her vibrato. Ashley is told "more human; less robot". Ashley did improve and as a result, Mia was able to suck less. Come showtime, Ashley's simple direction of adding "personality" to her skillset was met with good results. Mia tried her hardest but still sucked.
Pharrell ends up picking Mia to advance to the next round. -_- Say hello to last place again, Pharrell. Adam ends up stealing...oh my mistake, Blake and Xtina offer to steal Ashley as well because fuckery is a must on this show. Sans fuckery, she ends up picking Xtina as her new coach.

Second, James McNeiece vs.Tonya Boyd-Cannon of Team Adam. They were assigned "P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson. Rehearsals indicate James is fucked. James is told to work on his rasp and Tonya is told to tone down the "overbearing" side of her singing. WHOA-KAY -_- this is like Ryan Tedder telling Donna Allen to not "over-sing" back in S5.
Come showtime, James sounded improved but Tonya was consistent. Tonya's oversinging sold me from the beginning of this battle, but I sensed/feared that the one who sucked [James] would end up winning. Adam ends up picking Tonya to advance to the next round. THANK GOD!
No one stole James and he was booted from S8. BYE FELICIA!

Finally, Joshua Davis vs. Brian Johnson of Team Blake. They were assigned "Knockin' on Heaven's Door". Rehearsals indicate that Meghan Trainor cannot hold back her tears of joy. Come showtime, they sang notes and stuff [sorry, but I care not for Blake or his team this season. Craig Wayne Boyd was a fluke/counter-discourse against a pitiful Team Adam]. Blake ends up picking Brian to advance to the next round.
Adam ends up stealing Joshua because "OMG!!!!1!!! I LUV YOU!"

Overall, somebody's been overpaying Blake to be a coach...err it was a night full of paradigm shifts. Could this be what it takes for the NBC Program with Ratings to finally find their Kelly Clarkson (Or even Adam Lambert in a pinch despite him only gaining prominence as a Queen cover band singer)? Let's hope for the best...

Up next for scrutiny, Part II of the Battle Rounds.

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