Monday, March 30, 2015

The Voice S8: Two Hour Great Surprise

Tonight is a proper Knockout length episode (Because apparently we need from 8:00-9:00 on Tuesday for NBC to tell Chris D'Elia he's Undateable since doing Whitney and for some other awful mess.) and you know the rules by now:

- Voice-Over Carson will spoil that the last Knockout is when Xtina will use her steal (Side note to Carson: TRL wasn't responsible for the lack of subtext to you. Less telegraph/foreshadow and...well; better suspense.)

- Mr. and Mr. Shevine will pretend to hate each other even though they'll kiss and pork each other afterwards*

(*OK, not really since they're in lavender marriages to womyn they love dearly. -_- -_- -_-*)

- Pharrell will turn into a philosopher in the hopes that his poor decisions thus far will be forgiven.

and certain singers I like may get screwed this episode because the spoilers are forever rampant and sadly true. These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Barry Minniefield vs. Tonya Boyd-Cannon of Team Adam. Tonya picked "I Wish" by Stevie Wonder. Rehearsals indicate that Tonya lacks originality in the song but picked a good song. Barry picked "What You Won't Do For Love" by Bobby Caldwell. Rehearsals indicate that the song needed to be raised a half-step which freaked out Barry at first.
Come showtime, Tonya had improved from her previous weeks on the show but still lacked any real ability to sing. Also, she gives Frenchie Davis knockoff vibes 24/7/365. Barry exhibited charm of 50s-60s soul music at its finest. The half-step ended up working with him the entire time. After the coaches give their Calvin and Florence, Adam picks Tonya to advance to the next round. Barry is not stolen and is eliminated from S8. BOOOOOOOOOOOO! Barry deserved a chance but since Tonya is around, she's on my hate list.

Second, Brooke Adee vs. Kelsie May of Team Blake. Kelsie picked "Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift. Rehearsals indicate that a Taylor Swift song called "Tim McGraw" is considered a "radical" departure from country. Also, her sharpness was called into question (sharpness is when you over-sing a note and causes pitch issues). Brooke picked "Electric Feel" by MGMT. Rehearsals indicate she has a lot to live up to with an apparently "flawless" rehearsal.
Come showtime, Kelsie's nerves seemed less shaky but her singing was still off by a lot. If not for being sharp, at times she sounded like she was missing notes. Brooke sounds improved from her audition and even injected slight growliness in the beginning. Her projection is also leagues better than a lot of "quirkier" contestants in the past. After the coaches give their Calvin and Florence, Blake picks Brooke to advance to the next round. Kelsie is not stolen and is booted from S8.

Third, India Carney vs. Joe Tolo of Team Xtina. TIGER-FUCKING pair alert! India picked "Big White Room" by Jessie J. Rehearsals indicate that for all of India's vocal talent, she needs to be more vulnerable/emotive. Joe picked "One of Us" by Joan Osborne. Rehearsals indicate his luhh for Jesus might be the only thing he took into consideration for this Knockout.
Come showtime, Joe while committed just relied on his luhh for Jesus. While able to deliver monstrous notes, nothing of actual talent came through. India while able to have emotive ability at times sounded vibrato-laden shaky. Still a subtle facial expression in the beginning and her general pleasantness sealed this as an India victory. After the coaches give their Calvin and Florence, Xtina picks India to advance to the next round. Joe is not stolen and is booted from S8.

Fourth, Jacob Rummel vs. Lowell Oakley of Team Pharrell. Lowell picked "My Girl" by The Temptations. Rehearsals indicate that Michael Bub-MEH is proceeding to do better against himself but still be very mediocre on a good day. Jacob picked "Life of the Party" by Shawn Mendes. Rehearsals indicate that his potential can't be overcompensating for his lack of stage presence.
Come showtime, Jacob while committed to this song was just shouting and off-pitch for so much of the song. Lowell sounded as bearable as a white guy singing the Temptations can. Save for a needless "I like this song." interjection in the middle of his singing (?) After the coaches give their Calvin and Florence, Pharrell picks Lowell to advance to the next round. Jacob is not stolen and is booted from S8.

Fifth, Rob Taylor vs. Treeva Gibson of Team Xtina. Rob picked "Love & Happiness" by Al Greene. Rehearsals indicate he's still relying on the falsettos and not anything else in his range. Treeva picked "Chasing Pavements" by Adele. Rehearsals indicate that despite the inspiration, she picked a high risk/high reward song. Stiffness/control is a problem with movement as well.
Come showtime, Rob sounded like too much of a falsetto abuser as he has since his blind audition. Treeva tried to incorporate movement into her performance but it cost her money notes left and right. She sounded better when she was holding still. After the coaches give their Calvin and Florence, Xtina picks Rob to advance to the next round. Treeva is not stolen and is booted from S8. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Goddamn falsetto abuser...

Finally, Lexi Davila vs. Joshua Davis of Team Adam. Joshua picked "Arms of a Woman" by Amos Lee. Rehearsals indicate that gruffness or growliness needs to be kept in check. Lexi picked "Anything Could Happen" by Ellie Goulding. Rehearsals indicate Lexi was paying attention to feedback but didn't quite have the vocal presence to carry the song (Ellie doesn't have presence either, but Lexi has less).
Come showtime, Joshua was able to sound smoother but not to where his vocals were compromised. Granted, he was boring in stage presence terms. Lexi meanwhile...well...she remembered the lyrics. Her vibrato/shakiness wasn't as awful as I expected but what she lacks in vocal talent, stage presence and originality she makes up for in exuberance. After the coaches give their Calvin and Florence, Adam picks Joshua to advance to the next round. Last knockout means Xtina uses her steal on Lexi. -_- Barry was right there and you use it on Lexi...say hi to POOR decision Xtina again.

Overall of the 7 remaining favorites, 5 remain. The search for this show's much needed Kelly Clarkson declines ever faster.

Up next for scrutiny, Part I of the Live Playoffs.


  1. A to the MEN!!! Christina's girls all sound the same. She should've gone with Barry. Point blank and the period.

    1. Ideally, Adam should've never picked Tonya over Barry.

  2. Spot on....pissed that she kept Tonya. BTW this is @AmyJade4ever

    1. Thanks so much for the rave review! : )