Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Voice S8: La Tortura de las Batallas de Anoche

[Tonight's Battle Recap title is in reference to the under-appreciated Shakira song "La Tortura" ft. Alejandro Sanz and the fact that last night's episode format was more or less, utter torture.]

Well, the Blind Auditions wrapped up with the Battles starting really early on last night's episode. Apart from five contestants getting screwed out of non-montage victim screen-time, the battles began with 2 steals [Ashley Morgan from Pharrell to Xtina and Joshua Davis from Blake to Adam] and Tonya Boyd-Cannon tiger-fucking her opponent, insert name here. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*
Tonight, Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Xtina and Pharrell continue whittling their teams down to mostly people that really don't deserve to be there who they feel can go on to become the Kelly Clarkson this franchise needs.

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Anthony Riley vs. Travis Ewing of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Get Ready". Rehearsals indicate that Anthony was in his head too much and that Travis was in need of getting positive. Come showtime, both started really shaky. Both had a nice energy in stage presence, but both of their singing was really underdeveloped until some last minute decent notes were hit. Pharrell ends up picking Anthony to advance to the next round. Travis is stolen last minute by Blake -_-

Second, Ameera Delandro vs. Sonic of Team Xtina. They were assigned "Masterpiece" by Jessie J. Rehearsals indicate that Xtina hates these two in some degree by giving them a Jessie J song. Also, nerves were screwing with both of them. Sonic was also unable to commit to the hook. Ameera was told to project and not be afraid to commit to her sections of the song.
Come showtime, Ameera started off improved but too subdued. Sonic sounded consistent and that's what had me sold on her winning. Xtina ends up picking Sonic to advance to the next round. DUH; of course she won this one. Ameera ended up not getting stolen and got the boot from S8.

MONTAGE: Team Xtina: Joe Tolo defeated Gabriel Wolfchild; Team Adam: Deanna Johnson and Nathan Hermida won against their opponents, insert names here.

Third, Hannah Kirby vs. Sarah Potenza of Team Blake. They were assigned "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones. Rehearsals indicate Hannah was overestimating Sarah's alleged vocal range. Also, Sarah was told to not overdo shit in singing. A little bit of choreography from Hannah could've been a secret weapon. Come showtime, Hannah proved she could hold her own and whipped some ass on that song. Oh...and Sarah didn't forget the words. Blake ends up picking Sarah to advance to the next round. -_-
Thankfully, Hannah is stolen and is offered a place on Team Adam and Team Pharrell. O_O This is somewhat a "GURL WUT" moment as Adam offered the LAST. STEAL. he had on Hannah. Pace yourself, dude. She ends up picking Pharrell as her new coach.

Fourth, Blaze Johnson vs. Michael Leier of Team Adam. They were assigned "Rude" by MAGIC. -_- Rehearsals indicate that Adam hates these two as well. That and Michael is told not to rest on his laurels and Blaze is told be all about dem eye-land veyebs mon. -_- Come showtime, the performance read a touch corny at first. Both contestants showed some degree of improvement; Michael more so than Blaze. Adam ends up picking Blaze to advance to the next round. -_- Michael is not stolen and is booted from S8.

Fifth, Cody Wickline vs. Matt Snook of Team Blake. They were assigned "How Country Feels". Rehearsals indicate improvement from both of them from their auditions. Harmonies were also called into play and Cody was told to act like he wasn't about to curl up and die. Come showtime, Cody looked like he gave more of a damn than before. Matt sounded the same but not consistent. Probable cause is that Cody was given more to work on than Matt. Blake ends up picking Cody to advance to the next round.
Matt is not stolen and is eliminated from the show.

Finally, Meghan Linsey vs. Paul Pfau of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Don't Let Me Down". Rehearsals indicate that both are advised to focus on the story/vibes of the song. Paul had the arrangement taken down half a step to help him. Meghan was told to not be afraid of engaging. Come showtime, Paul had some emotive improvements but Meghan added that along with consistent and fabulous singing. Pharrell ends up picking Paul to advance to the next round. -_-
Meghan is offered a place on Adam, Xtina and Blake's teams. She ended up picking Blake as her new coach. UGH...damn you Pharrell. Damn you to the pits of hell.

Overall, there's still lingering hope that the show will think even less of Javier/Jermaine/Cassadee/Danielle/Tessanne/Josh [Craig has a chance even if he is country] and more Kelly/Fantasia/Jordin/Lambert in a pinch. Hannah Kirby became a new favorite so that's fantastic version.

Up next for scrutiny, Part III of the Battle Rounds.

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