Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Voice S8: Fresh as a Flower in Under an Hour

The NBC Program with Ratings is only an hour tonight (Presumably to pimp some GOD awful third tier sitcom) but that doesn't mean the coaches aren't capable of fucking things up in an hour. Pharrell is the only coach to have a steal left that will probably end up wasted on someone with no talent and the Carson-Voiceover Narrative Arc will probably spoil that it's the last again.

Apart from Sonic, Deanna, Barry and India surviving their battles [Meghan being demoted because picking Blake -_-] Hannah and Treeva Gibson rose in the ranks to become favorites while Ashley Morgan, Caitlin Caporale and Kimberly Nichole each became ones to watch and a budding HRFH -4.0 respectively.

The rest will be determined as Mr. and Mr. Shevine, Pharrell and Xtina continue their journey to find the much needed Kelly Clarkson this show needs (As opposed to a future laundromat owner whose vocal exercise would include "Fresh as a flower in under an hour!")

These are the nouns, pronouns, gerunds, marklar, banter, fuckery and FlirtCruiting that transpired...

Let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Jeremy Gaynor vs. Rob Taylor of Team Xtina. They were assigned "Animals" by Maroon 5. Rehearsals indicate Xtina is trying some nerves. Rob's falsettos are friend and foe for him while Jeremy was called to individualize certain inflections of the song. Come showtime, Rob shocked people by having lower registers. Both of them thought they were supposed to do the opposite of what they were good at. The song really sucked for both of them; nice try Xtina, but no. "Animals" did nothing to enhance their singing. Xtina ends up picking Rob to advance to the next round. Great...-_- Jeremy isn't stolen and got the boot from S8.

Second, Noelle Bybee vs. Sawyer Fredericks of Team Pharrell. They were assigned "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Rehearsals indicate that nerves were getting the best of both of them. Sawyer expressed nerves through more grating vibrato while Noelle was more sheepish than usual. Come showtime, both of their nerves seemed to have subsided. Noelle's voice was still angel sleeping on her tongue realness and Sawyer while not terrible still had vibrato issues. Vibrato is tricky to rock around for anybody let alone contestants on this show. Pharrell ends up picking Sawyer to advance to the next round. Noelle doesn't get stolen and is booted from S8.

MONTAGE; Congrats to Koryn Hawthorne, Brooke Adee & Lexi Davila of Team(s) Xtina, Blake and Adam for defeating their opponents, insert names here. OK; Lexi defeated Bren'nae DeBarge and that made NO. DAMN. SENSE. Essentially, every coach is trying to make terrible decisions at SOME point.
Koryn is by proxy promoted to favorite status for being decent AND surviving.

Finally, Corey Kent White vs. Jacob Rummell of Team Blake. They were assigned "I Want Crazy" by Hunter Hayes. Rehearsals indicate Blake rigged this in Corey's favor by giving a country song to Jacob's real pop sensibilities. Jacob was told to be less nervous and Corey was told to open his eyes. Come showtime, Corey played into Blake's rigged strategy. Jacob sounded less chipper but still too perky for my liking. Blake ends up picking Corey to advance to the next round. Last round means a steal and Pharrell ends up stealing Jacob and with him completes his team.

All in all, the Battles are going better than S7 [though that ain't saying shit.] but considering the history of the coaches, the Knockouts might be fucked up...O_-

Up next for scrutiny, Part I of the Knockouts.

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