Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The Voice U.S. S4 Recap: Finale Pt. 2

Emotions were felt; songs were sung and shit got real! Tonight marked the crowning of a 4th champion of The Voice U.S. franchise. Here's what happened in my nutcase imperfect vision.

Let's play rough and get it on!

The show started off with Pitbull & S5 coach, Christina Aguilera and their song "Feel This Moment". Girl, the vocals make up for "Let There Be Love" from S3 (Slag off if you hate that critique), but goddamn. I clocked the shoes and the chain mail looking top. "Gurl, NO; NO; Gurl NO!" Despite the hatred for X-Tina, she's returning for S5 along with the adorably unhinged Cee-Lo Green.

Coach's Corner had "Shaki" be adorable, Adam sort of redact his premature prediction of Kewpie Doll winning, Usher rooting for Michelle and Blake pretending like he hasn't been salivating for a three-peat. P.S.- It happened to be Blake's birthday (And no better gift could be given if Kewpie Doll and the Corny Duo were to get ousted > : ) )

Holly Tucker, Justin Rivers and Amber Carrington join the Corny Duo for their "bring back" performance of "Stars Tonight" by Lady Antebellum. Justin gets more screentime! YAY! *shaaaaaaaaaaaade* It was dripping with Mason-Dixon realness so if you like that sort of thing, fabulous.

Then, the complicated romance...err "bromance" between Adam and Blake was highlighted. Frankly, the sexual tension between them is a bit alarming. : P *DIS...IS A CLAIMER; Despite the inferred homoerotic bond between Adam and Blake, Adam is straight [and a bit of a pussyhound] and Blake is married to Miranda Lambert*

Michelle was subjected to sing with OneRepublic on their song "Counting Stars". Note, I've hated OneRepublic ever since "Apologize" (Which they haven't done yet). Michelle makes diamonds out of coals and that was pretty much illustrated with her bitchslapping that performance.

Usher's coaching methods were highlighted as they had been labeled unorthodox. Blake was then shown being a shady bitch against him and lampooning the techniques for his team. Bitch is shady; and also a terrible actor when his fake tears were unleashed. The Razzies were very pleased. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*

Florida-Georgia Line and Nelly performed their song "Cruise". I can actually put up with the song live, but I am not cranking that shit on any radio. Although, I'm proud of myself for not clocking the name Florida-Georgia Line for any reason when I was tweeting. P.S. It is always nice to see Nelly do his thing.

Garrett Gardner, VEDO, Kris Thomas and Josiah Hawley took the stage singing "Ain't Too Proud to Beg". Kris was in his element and VEDO had his moments. Garrett seemed out of his element but he managed his own; Josiah sounded better than he had, but he still sucked compared to the others. Oh well, it was nice to see such a classic soul song be sung.

Kewpie Doll "brought back" Amber, Caroline Glaser and Sarah Simmons for her performance "All American Girl" by Carrie Underwood. The "Sing 10 Carrie Underwood Songs & Get a Free Meal" card got punched for the...let's see; carry the one...for the 15th time. New rule; no more Carrie Underwood songs for at least 5-7 episodes of S5. P.S. Caroline was awesome and Amber was good too.

Bruno Mars performed his new song "Treasure". Disco balls, red suits and his horrible hair were on display. O_O Luckily, he isn't a hair model and sounded exceptional tonight. *golf claps*

Then the Corny Duo took the stage to perform with Bob Seger (As Lisa Lampanelli puts it, "I'll pause so all of you at home can Wikipedia him.") They performed "Night Moves" and apparently, Seger is a Rock & Roll Hall of Famer. This is the type of performance music snobs would love. I don't know the song nor Seger so I really have no frame of reference to grade the performance. Oh well; Seger's hair is fabulous so there's that.

Shakira's english was then brought up. As opposed to some corny reference to her accent, her advanced vernacular was put to use for a Voice edition of a spelling bee. "Diaphonous", "Didactic", "Juxtaposition" and "Conundrum" [apart from words Shakira actually used] were misspelled and Blake being the giant cornball he is tried to make his stupidity funny. He doesn't need to give effort to do that.

Sasha Allen, Cáthia, Karina Iglesias and HRFH returned to sing "My Lovin' (Never Gonna Get It)" by En Vogue. Sasha and Karina knew how to belt that song. Cathia was decent; nothing terrible but she did sound a touch improved. HRFH...she exists. Fuck Wall Street, the Occupy movement that must be stopped is of that bitch's place on Earth. BOOM.

Kewpie Doll then took the stage with Hunter Hayes. Hunter Hayes apparently is a noun in the U.S. Music Industry. They perform his song "I Want Crazy" and apparently Hunter likes to smile. I heard nothing as I had the TV on mute. Not sorry; I just can't stomach this type of duet.

Michelle took the stage and brought back her Team Usher cohorts by singing "We Can Work it Out" as Stevie Wonder did it. This took me back to the "Black & Gold" performance they did weeks ago. Their synchronization was on point again. I admit it; anything that hides Josiah's faults as a vocalist is a performance worth listening to. *shaaaaaaaaaaaaade*

Cher then took the stage w/ her song "Woman's World". Holy hell...was that wig awful. Sorry, but if I think to myself, "Did Joan Jett and Pat Benetar get scalped shortly before she took the stage?" your hair is ridiculous. This tweet I posted says it all...

"Cher, that was a lovely performance but Pepsi needs to film a commercial with you to get rid of that hair. #AllTAllShade"

Then, the moment we've been waiting for [outside of Cher performing; calm yo tits]...the time where a winner is declared for S4. Final thoughts were emitted from the contestants [and as long as you remember the song "Sweet Nothing" from Calvin Harris and Florence Welch, that's everything].

3rd place went to...the Corny Duo. Bye, y'all.

The winner...Kewpie Doll; T_T Great, another Voice winner I didn't vote for.

Runner up...Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel. T_T She deserved it and now has to do what's easy; outshine a winner of the show sales wise.

Well, that wraps up S4. All in all, I still like the show. Someday I'll either be a winner people vote for or a winner will show up that I vote for. Either way, that wraps up S4. Thanks for playing rough with me.

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