Friday, May 17, 2013

The Voice U.S. Primer- AKA The "Why I Watch" Post

In case I never made it clear, The Voice is one of my favorite shows on TV now. Having watched every Season (At times wanting to slaughter the coaches when they fucked up) I feel it necessary to give a primer of the show as I see fit (Meaning any Javier Colon and Cassadee Pope fans better be willing to deal with my shit talking of them). Let's play rough and get it on!

The Voice is actually a creation from the Netherlands known as The Voice of Holland. It was exported to the U.S. where NBC premiered it on April 26, 2011. Since then people found out about one of the most scintillating pieces of Reality Competition Show Gold; The Blind Auditions! Starting off with mega pimped chairs right from the Inspector Gadget villain Dr. Claw painted red, singers would actually have to display talent to get on the show.

Four coaches from the music industry emerged ready to pick [what they hope to Christ would be] the next great singing sensation. Maroon 5 lead same sounding singer, Adam Levine showed a side not many musicians actually would: the side that reads "I am one adorable ADHD ridden little dork!" and nobody could've been happier for that. Goodie Mob and Gnarls Barkley superstar, Cee-Lo Green emerged as pure entertainment when he spoke (Although his flirtatious banter did border on sexual harassment). Grammy Award winning singer (Unless the National Anthem is counted in that > : ) ) and super "belter" fresh from her low selling 2010 effort, Bionic, Christina Aguilera emerged as a "Girl power" type coach -_-. Finally some smartass from a honky tonk bar in Oklahoma...err Country superstar Blake Shelton emerged as a cocky Foghorn Leghorn coach with the creepiest looking finger trick ever televised (This side of the Dane Cook "Vicious Circle" Mississippi.) A social media correspondent (Someone paid to read posts on Twitter concerning the show) took form in former G4 personality, Alison Haislip.

S1 had memorable cast members like former American Idol contender turned Broadway veteran, Frenchie Davis, State Fair Novelty Act...err sisters Tori and Taylor Thompson [The Thompson Sisters], shy but charismatic singer Xenia, shy and nervous wreck [and eventual runner up] Dia Frampton, Mr. Clean doppelganger...err rocker chick phenom Beverly McClellan, Mohawk enthusiast Vicci Martinez, shivery sounding yet pleasant Casey Weston, and eventual winner Javier Colon.

After his "Dad with Dreams" schtick was being milked for $3.99, Javier emerged as a 4 Chair Turn after singing some dopey ballad "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper. He would go on to earn the votes of those who enjoyed a failed VH1 You Oughta Know artist from 2006 him singing (Myself not included; I always thought Frenchie was better) and help Adam win S1. A slight format change for S2 on would be made, as the final 4 artists would no longer be have to craft original songs for votes. Also, Alison Haislip would leave the show (For God knows what reasons) and be replaced by current Social Media Correspondent, Christina Milian (Yes, the singer who's sick of your shitty jokes about "Dip It Low").

S2 had just as many memorable cast members like insurance worker/aspiring singer Katrina Parker (Whose life story must be made into a movie called "Claim to Fame"). Alongside her, med student turned singer, Mathai; she who supposedly delivered the only good version of "Oh! Darling" by The Beatles [and eventual runner up] Juliet Simms; Country fried Kewpie Doll, RaeLynn; charismatic and light hearted (I can write nice shit too) Jamar Rogers; model turned "Eartha Kitt meets pixie" sounding singer (And queen of VoteForTheWorst fodder) Erin Martin; Mouseketeer turned "Dad with Dreams", Tony Lucca; Opera man with the vacant as fuck blue eyes and Josh Groban wannabe Chris Mann; Broadway veteran, Tony Vincent and eventual winner, former backup singer to Alicia Keys, Jermaine Paul *Side note; there are so many more memorable cast members like YouTube soldier superstar Angie Johnson and James "Headband"/"Body Shop"/"Letterman Jacket" Massone*

Jermaine emerged as a 2 Chair Turn after giving an interesting take on mall angst anthem "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne. He would go on to capture the public votes (Though none came from me) and help Blake win S2.

From S3 on, these changes were made. First, the "steal" would be introduced in the Battle Rounds that would benefit certain artists who the other coaches felt deserved another chance at winning. Also, no more "Public meets Coach voting" when the final 8 emerged (As it was discovered that Katrina was screwed by this as Adam gave slight bias to Tony). This of course led to the "Affirmative Action" style change that Team quotas after the live playoffs would be no more. Finally, iTunes votes would be added around the first full live showcase; make the top 10 of iTunes, the votes get multiplied by 10.

S3 is pretty much the best season to date. Memorable cast members include: Scottish import (And another "Dad with Dreams"), classic rock personified and eventual runner up, Terry McDermott. Shy NY singer with heavenly pipes (And the balls to sing "Listen" from the BeyoncĂ© and Jennifer Hudson take of Dreamgirls), Trevin Hunte. Gospel raised but rocker chick with soul, Amanda Brown. Creepy and oh so loveable vocalist (Who once played the fucking tambourine with her feet) with the unmistakably breathy signature, Melanie Martinez. Badass Gospel inspired human, De'Borah. What's his face with the beard...two first names...the one I can't stand vocally with those adjectives...Nicholas David *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade*. S2 reject turned comeback kids, Daniel Rosa, Sam James and Backstreet Boy free Dez Duron. Mohawk super enthusiast, Michaela Paige. She who might actually know how an Egyptian walks, Sylvia Yacoub. My personal favorite for his mix of signature singing, stage presence, hip action, hair [head and chest; reowr], soundbite of The Voice anthology ["BAM BAM"] and the best goddamn reaction to making the show; Cody Belew. (Oh and some lead singer from a band no one heard of before the show, named "Cassadee", would go on to win S3. "All T, All Shade".)

Cassadee emerged as a 4 Chair Turn after singing "Torn". Then she would go on to benefit from a deal with...I'm being told she actually won this fair and square votes and all. ("And also mention something we never thought possible; her desecrating of an Avril Lavigne song." Holy shit O_O) Her victory while undeserving, did provide the show with its first female winner to date. Blake would add a second victory to his coaching tenure and Christina would leave S3 after tanking around last place since the series premiere.

Cut to all the recaps of S4 I have up so far, and this is the primer to The Voice. I love the show, would love to compete and most of all it is far more entertaining than those other shows.

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