Monday, May 20, 2013

The Voice U.S. S4 Recap: Top 10 Performances

First and foremost, Maroon 5 won the non-existent "Swear Ball 2013" in the category:

"Blue Matrix and Bowl of Milk Realness"

(And managed to invite potential lawsuits from the Blue Man Group for "Copyright Infringement".

Quick note for Oklahoma personalities Blake Shelton and The Swon Brothers; my condolences for your state. (I write nice stuff too.)

Now on to how the Top 10 did in their performances:

First was Holly Tucker from Team Blake, who sang Gospel music staple "How Great Thou Art" (Which is about Jesus and not Judith Hill > : ) ) I don't know if there's a way to judge a song about Jesus and not sound like a blasphemous dickhole. She sounded great...really I've not a negative thing to say...other than it seems like a really cheap way to get votes. Apart from that, she did a good job.

From heaven to the ninth ring of hell...err Second was Her Royal Fucking Highness...err Judith Hill from Team Adam. ("Mic problems" -_- "All T, All Shade") She was tasked with singing "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson. She fails to project her voice again; this is my opinion. Her performing this song doesn't quell the theory she's being kept only to siphon MJ Fandom votes. However, when she was getting emotional over singing an MJ song, even I put aside my hatred for a brief tweet...

"Girl, we get it; you knew him for a brief period of time and you wish it was longer. #Condolences"

Cut to my shady tweet, "At least her makeup has a pretty voice. #AllTAllShade" and I was over the singing. For the record she does have my condolences regarding MJ.

Third, The Swon Brothers from Team Blake; no shade for them persona wise because of their home state tragedy. They were slated to sing "How Country Feels" by Randy Houser. Singing wise, I just can't get into hardcore Country music (i.e. I can only stomach 3 country songs total and what they sang wasn't it; P.S. I do not count Taylor Swift and some of Carrie Underwood songs) They did their usual, "Good for some, but I'M not voting for them this week" schtick. Enough said, because that Scream trick the chubby Swon did scared the shit out of me again. O_O

Fourth, Amber Carrington from Team Adam. She's tasked with singing "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson. I don't recall a Kelly Clarkson song having fucked a contestant over before, so there was hope to be had. She's decent but with a song by Kelly, breath capacity has to be on point. Sadly, I thought Amber was lacking there, but other than that she did another good job.

Fifth, Sasha Allen from Team Shakira. She's tasked with singing "Next to Me" by Emili Sandé. Despite the outfit and hair, Sasha proves why this is The Voice as she dropkicks the fuck out of this song. Let me say this...the fact that she was told to do something rather "radio-friendly" compared to classics is a bit conflicted. Her Blind Audition was "Not Ready to Make Nice" by The Dixie Chicks. That song came out around 2006 or 2007. She had been current so insisting on her to sing the most radio friendly song is complete bullshit. Moving on...

Sixth, Josiah Hawley from Team Usher (whose revelation of being of a big brood reaffirmed my Duggar related shade). He's tasked with singing "Clocks" by Coldplay. He doesn't suck compared to himself, but against the others he should stick to modelling. Usher proceeds to think that Josiah has personality (Bless your heart, but goddamn that was overstretching) and Josiah is given his "Participation Trophy" for the episode *shaaaaaaaaaaaaade*.

Seventh, Kewpie Doll from Team Blake. She's tasked with singing "Heads Carolina Tails California" by Jo Dee Messina. After being called Blake's "retirement plan", she takes the stage and does the same shit again. Seriously, I grew bored by her weeks ago and nothing changed. Except her personal style which I described on Twitter as...

"Prude at Coachella Realness"

Eighth, Kris "Yes I'm A Guy" Thomas from Team Shakira. He's tasked with singing "Adorn" by Miguel. This oozed "High Risk; High Reward" as it seemed like a miscast for Kris. However, he proceeds to have one of his cleanest sounding performances to date. Although I was worried as to how the public could vote (Remember, this is the same public that voted and let Cassadee Pope win. O_O) Shakira, Adam and Usher had a bit of a tiff and it was delicious. "Shaki" fought them both off and...Usher hiding in fear said it all. : )

Ninth, Sarah Simmons from Team Adam. She's tasked with screeching through singing "Mama Knows Best" by Jessie J and the crowd lost their shit in the beginning. I don't understand the audience sometimes (Just saying). I give her credit for being able to project unlike Judith. Looks wise she was "Hot Topic meets Great Gatsby Realness"; fringe skirt and all O_O However, it was her best to date (Still voting for Amber > : ) ).

Finally, Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel. She's tasked with singing "Just Give Me A Reason" by P!nk ft. Nate Ruess of F.U.N. It's another P!nk selection and it's pretty much tailored for her. However, she did get a little breathy in the beginning. Still she kicked ass and could break a curse regarding P!nk; every artist who has sung a P!nk song has gone home. Michelle could be the first to break this curse and I couldn't be any happier for that.

All in all, despite the tragedy of Oklahoma, The Voice put out another good show.

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