Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Voice U.S. S4 Recap: Results of The Top 8

Emotions were felt; shit went down...another goddamn recap episode prior to results. Weak; that aside, let's play rough and get it on!

Team Mason-Dixon...err Blake kicked things off with a group performance alongside S4 mentor Sheryl Crow. They were more country than stereotyped prejudice and hatred. (It was either that or more country than chicken fried steak and gravy.)

Before the first person was saved, Blake promoted the "Special Latte" cups Starbucks had for Oklahoma relief efforts and Her Royal Fucking Highness proceeded to butcher her duet performance of "Sweet Nothing" by Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch. Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel saved it but goddamn, HRFH screwed up that song ridiculously. > : (

The first saved was Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel from Team Usher. Thank you to the voting public for not fucking this up.

After that, fodder came in a group performance from The Corny Duo and Sasha Allen. Sasha was thrust into this country ish performance singing some Jason Aldean song ["Don't You Wanna Stay"].

The second saved was Kewpie Doll from Team Blake. Easy come, easy go with liking the voting public. *shaaaaaaaaaade*. On a serious note, she must not advance any further. Put the Kewpie Doll back on the shelf, voting public.

Kewpie Doll and Screech...err Sarah Simmons took the stage and sang "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri [the one famous for "Jar of Hearts" and "Arms" as well as serving "Hot Topic Realness"].

Third saved was Sasha Allen from Team Shakira. The voting public has improved their level of love for Sasha. : )

Amber Carrington and Holly Tucker chipped in their fodder cards and actually sounded lovely together singing "Does He Love You" by Reba McEntire. (Sorry Willam; lovely is an apt descriptor for something awesome.)

Fourth saved was The Corny Duo from Team Blake. Ughhhhhhh; the voting public scares me with some of the contestants they save. Make them sing their Swan Song, voting public.

Fifth saved was Amber Carrington from Team Adam. She indeed ascended into dark horse pantheon maximum level.

The last saved was Holly Tucker from Team Blake. She had sass to boot so she was saved.

O_O Did it really happen? Yes it did : )

Those that got the boot: Her Royal Fucking Highness and Screech from Team Adam!

We did it voting public! We dethroned Her Royal Fucking Highness and muzzled Screech! Serves them right for their awful music taste yesterday.

Happiness come in all forms and this is the best Results show in history.

Now for a much needed apology to Judith and Sarah... You heard me.
Ladies, despite my awful comments aimed at you, please understand it's a personal thing. Yes, I may have created this blog as a counter-discourse to those who recap the show and give you praise that I felt at times you don't deserve.

Sarah, I mainly disliked you because of what could've been a shaky Blind Audition version of a song Katrina Parker did justice. You advancing over Caroline Glaser made me upset mainly because on a personal level I thought she wiped the floor with you. However, that was out of anger. I apologize for calling you Screech the entire time you've been on the show.

Judith...this will be hard as I found you to be so hype ridden and underwhelming as a vocalist. Yes, I did insinuate Adam was using you to siphon Michael Jackson fan votes. That was mainly after I thought Karina Iglesias did a much better job in the Battles. Ever since then, I decided to take it out more so on you. I won't listen to songs you or Sarah made but I say this...

Like "Paris Is Burning" est. I paraphrase into my own words...

"I applaud you for having some nerve; 
cause with a vicious motherfucker like me,
it do take nerve."

I'm sorry for writing awful things about you two; no matter how much of it I felt to be true.

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