Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Voice U.S. S4 Recap: Knockouts Part 2

Team Usher and Team Blake's outcomes at times wanting me to TKO the coaches. See why below...let's play rough and get it on!

First up, Team Blake's Savannah Berry (Uggggghhhhhhhhh) and double montage victim Justin Rivers. I feared another Savannah victory, so my excitement level was well below where it usually is. She picks "As Long As You Love Me" by He Who Inspired Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. He picks "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus (Who has immersed herself into this disturbing trend called..."twerking". Pretty much involving ridiculously agile and flexible ass shaking/clapping). Cut to the end of their bout [*shaaaaaaaaaaaade*] and Blake proceeds to pick Justin Rivers. O_O Thank you for that, Blake. You went against hype for once and earned my respect. Though he would lose it rather quickly later on...O_o

Second was Team Usher's Josiah Hawley against Jess Kellner. I was thinking "Jess is going to dropkick him down a flight of stairs". Josiah had some balls and picked "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. Jess went with "You Give Me Something" by James Morrison; my dumbass must've put Jim Morrison in Landon Medvec's tidbit in the Blind Auditions by mistake, I'm sure of it, so I apologize for that. Cut to the match and after Josiah does that weird "Chris Issak" thing with his mouth, Jess proceeds to do what I thought and dropkicked him down a flight of stairs. For some reason, the coaches felt he should've sang her song and vice versa (Like the outcome was going to be different to me). Then Usher declares Josiah the winner O_O > : ( Apparently after Jess dropkicked him down those stairs, Usher wanted to pick him up. > : (

Third up was Team Blake's Holly Tucker V.S. Luke Edgemon. Remember that Luke was stolen; as Lyndsey Parker pointed out, Blake has never kept a stolen contestant [foreshadow alert!] Holly decides to sing "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. Luke stupidly decides to sing "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. That song has never benefited anyone on the show, so Luke sets himself up for destruction. *Side note: The only acceptable Katy Perry song to sing in public is "Firework". NOTHING ELSE* Cut to the match and Holly slays Luke before he falls under the "Teenage Dream" curse. Holly is declared the victor and Lyndsey wanted to slaughter Blake. I forgave him for picking Holly. > : )

Fourth up was Team Usher's Audrey Karrasch against Michelle Chamuel. Audrey decided to channel S2 Lindsey Pavao and take a rap song and make it Indie/Pop; she chose "How to Love" by Lil' Wayne. Michelle went with underdog anthem "Raise Your Glass" by P!nk. Already, Michelle was firm to tiger fuck Audrey out of the running. It wasn't until the actual bout, that it played out perfectly. Audrey [bless her heart] hit sour notes left and right and was the only performance I felt uncomfortable listening to. Michelle and her singing while serving "Tebow/Proposal Knee" choreography realness proceeded to finish her like a Mortal Kombat fatality. While Audrey was commended for her risk level, her execution was frowned upon (Like anti death penalty activists were present and everything). Michelle was declared the winner and Audrey was sent home.

Fifth, was Team Blake's Kewpie Doll, Danielle Bradbery V.S. Taylor Beckham. Taylor was someone he stole...and I reference Lyndsey Parker again; foreshadow alert! Danielle picked sappy and tacky as fuck "Jesus Take The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood. Taylor had some balls to pick "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna (Which sadly, is not about the game show hosted by Mark L. Walberg). Danielle gets early favoritism; blah blah blah. Taylor is on notice, because she might not be able to sing the song at all. For the record, Taylor connected with the brokenness of "Russian Roulette" but failed to add at least one more adjective to the performance. Cut to the end of the match where Danielle gets praise -_- and Taylor is told she didn't pull it off entirely. Like he was going to pick her anyway, Blake sticks with Danielle and lost my respect by nixing Taylor.

Sixth, was Team Usher's new member C. Perkins against VEDO. My initial reaction? "Oh, shit." Yes, VEDO's sob story was milked again (And per usual I look like such a monster for wanting the focus to be on singing. -_-) and C. had the deck stacked against him. C. picked "She Ain't You" by Chris Brown while VEDO picked "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" by Bryan Adams. The mistake C. made didn't occur until showtime. He tried to do some crowd action and it fucked with his breathing. *Side note: No one is to perform Chris Brown songs again. Mainly, because the temptation to add choreography to it is way too high at the mainly amateur ranks of The Voice. Chris can barely pull that off and those are his songs.* Cut to VEDO giving his money note and C. is left tiger fucked afterwards. Usher chooses VEDO to stay, and C. Perkins is sent home.

Seventh, was Team Blake's "Lana Del Opry", Grace Askew and The Corny Duo with The Terrible Puns [The Swon Brothers]. Grace chose "I Can't Stand The Rain" as done by Tina Turner. The Swon Brothers chose "Drift Away". The critique for Grace was pretty much "High risk; high reward" laced while The Corny Duo was told to not fuck around again. Cut to their match and Grace est. her take on the song while The Corny Duo did what they needed to. Lyndsey Parker proceeded to lose her shit as Blake declared The Corny Duo the winners and sent Grace home.

Finally, for the last Knockout of S4, Team Usher's new member Cáthia was pitted against Nicholas David -2.0...err Ryan Innes. Cáthia selected "Mr. Know It All" by Kelly Clarkson while Ryan picked "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw. This song cost Sam James dearly in the S2 Blind Auditions (Before "Walking in Memphis" did him in in the S3 Knockouts) and I was not expecting Ryan to win. Cut to the match, and Cáthia served it up while Ryan was decent. The decision was played up as a "close decision" but Cáthia prevailed while Ryan was sent home.

All in all, despite some tempting chin checks I wanted to give Blake and Usher, The Voice delivered another TKO of entertainment value. Next up for scrutiny, the Live Playoffs Part 1.

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