Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Voice U.S. S4 Recap: Live Playoffs Part 2

Howdy hey, motherfuckers! Time for more shade, praise and commentary courtesy of me. This time it's a recap over Team Blake and Team Shakira and how their teams fared in the S4 Live Playoffs. Play rough and  let's get it on!

First up, from Team Shakira, was Garrett "Lip-ring" Gardner. He's tasked with "Imagine" by John Lennon. A song that even if "vibed" wrong will have Beatles fans lighting bags of their crap on fire and leaving it on your doorstep (And I base that on absolutely nothing). Cut to his performance where his piano skills are very lovely (Sorry to TheStylish and NewNowNext whorespondent Willam; "lovely" is a very apt word here.) but his singing is a bit...confusing. He didn't sound terrible, but it was barely passable. He did however, win me over a little with his piano skills.

Second, from Team Blake, was Holly Tucker. She was assigned "How Do I Live" by LeAnn Rimes (Before she became notorious for a horrible time in her life; the filming of a Lifetime movie and schtupping a married man while she had a man.) Holly proceeded to reveal an issue with image; "I don't fit the mold". Listen goddamnit...who cares if you're skinny, fat, black, white, this, that, crazy, etc. as long as you can sing? ("Record execs?" I told you to shut the fuck up about that. I'm being nice.) Her performance is very pleasing, even landing some money notes towards the end.

Third, from Team Shakira, was Kris "Yes, I have a penis" Thomas. He was tasked with the song "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars. His challenge was to have enough control in his voice to have that Bruno meets Kris thing. Come showtime, he was rather decent [nerves fucked with him on the crucial money note]. Adam did put him on notice for that, but other than that he got mixed to sort of positive reviews.

Fourth, from Team Blake, was The Corny Duo with The Terrible Puns (You know goddamn well who's on the receiving end from this shady comment). They were tasked with singing "Fishin' In The Dark" [seriously; that's what the song is called]. This song wins "Least Subtle Song About Fucking" at the nonexistent "Swear Ball 2013 Extravaganza!" Anywho, cut to their performance; comment about them not totally sucking like anybody who's ever given a lackadaisical BJ...and I'm done with them; NEXT!

Fifth, from Team Shakira, was Karina Iglesias. She was tasked with singing "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green. This was a song oozing "High risk; high reward" and Karina felt up to the task. Having to fight the bullshit about being "one-dimensional", her performance was good vocally. What was seen, kind of made this a Catch 22 ("Damned if you do; damned if you don't"; contradiction w/o Starburst's bullshit). What was heard was a rocker chick adding her signature vocals to a soul classic. What was seen was a rocker chick trying to match what her vocals were doing. Still, I'm proud to say, I voted for Karina.

Sixth, from Team Blake, dark horse/ montage victim Justin Rivers. He was tasked with singing "Meet in The Middle" by Diamond Rio. Admittedly, I hit the snooze button long before he sang. He was mainly told, "Stand out from the crowd or you'll end up 'Fender Ketchup' against everyone else." Cut to his performance, and he really did end up in the middle where he must've thought he was meeting Diamond Rio (Pssssst; it's called a metaphor, jackass.) Poor thing -_-

Seventh, from Team Blake [whooooooooaaaaaaaaaa; another pattern break? How bold, indeed -_-] Kewpie Doll ("From the pits of Hell?" No; they go through enough w/o being insulted like that.) Danielle Bradbery. She was tasked with singing "Maybe It Was Memphis" by Pam Tillis; at least it wasn't yet another Carrie Underwood song (Nothing totally wrong with Carrie, but her songs are put on repeat more than the needless praise Judith Hill gets.) She proceeds to blow Blake's mind again with how good she supposedly is; I must give credit because every time she's been on the show it's her first set of performances. *golf claps out of some respect*

Finally, from Team Shakira, Sasha Allen would close out the S4 Live Playoffs. She was tasked with singing "Oh! Darling" by The Beatles (A song soooooo many claim was perfected by S2 runner-up, Juliet Simms.) What proceeded to transpire was in a phrase...goddamn magic. Her rendition of the song gave me goosebumps 3 times and all were worth it as she dropkicked the fuck out of that song. Every money note was hit with defeating the French in war ease. Shade was thrown to Adam again for his decision to let Sasha go [and earlier for dismissing Karina] before the S4 Live Playoffs went to the voting public (Where I voted for Sasha!)

All in all, because of Sasha's performance, I was very pleased with this episode. Up next for scrutiny, the results show and the Top 12 shows.

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