Friday, May 17, 2013

The Voice U.S. S4 Recap: Results of The Top 12

The results show of The Top 12 performances kicked off with S2 guest mentor, Robin Thicke (Who also doubles as Justin Timberlake but as a complete scumbag). Robin along with Pharrell and T.I. performed their song "Blurred Lines". In case you don't know of it...picture a song with deliciously tacky sexism and/or misogyny that was used for one of the dumbest advertisements in recent memory [for RadioShack no less]. Picture also, a music video that borders with absurd styling and a set of balloons for a cheeky intent (But also scumbag reaffirmation) that spells out "Robin Thicke Has A Big D" -_- ; "Gurl NO; NO; Gurl NO!" Moving on it's result time!

Following last season's format, no one coach is guaranteed a spot in the final (Something Christina and Adam learned the hard way.) The results were serving "Noah's Ark" realness, as 2 at a time some artists were saved. 2 would be the dinosaurs that overslept. Let's play rough and get it on!

The first 2 saved were...Kris Thomas of Team "Shaki" and The Corny Duo from Team Blake. Kris being called safe first was a bit surprising. Still worth it along with The Corny Duo (This time). I couldn't read them down the house for their performance; I might be a bitch but I will never dog a timely tribute (I will read the chubby Swon for his "Confessional" talent; he can apparently make his face look like the mask in Scream. Bonus points for precision, but goddamn that scared me shitless O_O)

The next 2 saved were...Sarah Simmons of Team Adam and Josiah Hawley from Team Usher (Aw, dammit.) Sarah gets bonus points for not singing a fakakta power ballad and Josiah benefits from mindless "tween" girls voting for him (Something that pisses me and Carson off to no end. I get it Carson; you never thought you'd have another job where "tween" girls dictated your life.)

The next 2 saved were...Kewpie Doll of Team Blake and Her Royal Fucking Highness from Team Adam.
-_- ; "Gurl NO; NO; Gurl NO". Congrats to you both, I guess -_-

The next 2 saved were...Michelle "Amazing Human" Chamuel of Team Blake and Amber Carrington from Team Adam. None of Adam's team went home, so good for him. Michelle being saved this late? Unacceptable; she should've been called much earlier. I was starting to get scared that Holly and Sasha were screwed over because of the nouns 2 save ranks before them (Hint: Kewpie Doll and Her Royal Fucking Highness).

Then Carson eases me by announcing the last 2 saved were...Holly Tucker of Team Blake and Sasha Allen of Team Shakira.

Blake leaves unscathed for now and Usher and Shakira take an early hit as VEDO and Garrett Gardner are sent home as the credits rolled. Kudos to you both as I quote from Paris is Burning; "Give them a round of applause, for having the nerve to perform; 'cause with y'all vicious motherfuckers, it do take nerve."

All in all, despite me being scared for my favorites, The Voice still caught my attention. Next up for scrutiny, The Top 10 performances.

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